Sexual Encounter That Was Rape

I am a woman of 40 with two children. One a 5-year old boy, the other, an 18-month-old daughter. Each night I would give them a peck on the cheek and make them sleep. However, tonight was rather long. My kids took a long time to sleep. It took a long time to make my daughter Ria sleep. My son was already in deep slumber by that time. It had been a long day and I was weary. However, sleep was elusive. I had to take care of two high-on-energy munchkins, which took most of my day. The fact that the man of the house was in the USA on a professional tour meant I had many more such nights to grapple with.

Despite my best efforts, I could not sleep. My mind wandered back to the spot that stifles me. It all started in high school, when I was 15. One of my father's colleagues moved into my neighborhood and I was given the task of making his son comfortable to the new environment. I was totally smitten by his boyish charm. He was of the same age as me. He had gorgeous looks and a boyish charm. I was very enthusiastic to know him. Soon love found its way into our relationship. This was my first teenage romance. Back then, I was very naive and believed that I had found my soul mate. I spent a generous amount of time with my new love interest and made him comfortable with me.

It was a fairy tale courtship. We wrote notes to each other and had them delivered through our friends, sneaked out of houses for secret dates. During this time, MLTR and Bryan Adams were lending soulful words to our emotions. We fought, we made up, we fought again, then again made up. With every passing day, I was grateful to have found my new soul mate. However, that was not to be, as I soon found out. He was not as sweet as he appeared to be. I thought he would be different from other men of his age, but, he was also like all the others.

During our two year courtship he mentioned sex a couple of times. But, I put him away saying that I was not ready for it before marriage. It is another matter that most newlyweds are knocked out with exhaustion and sleep takes precedence over romance and sex on the first night. However, what do you really know at the age of 17? We were readying for the class 12 farewell. We all were putting on long faces at the thought of having to part from each other in pursuit of our professional goals. We were preparing to bid each other good-bye, for God knows how much time.

This was when Karan called me to say that he had planned something special for us the coming weekend. His parents were going away for the weekend, which meant that we could spend some 'quality' time together before getting busy in our board exams and the ensuing college admissions. I was surprised to see his place, including his bedroom done up in candles. A whole lot of them. There was music playing and Pepsi in wine goblets. "Oh my" I gasped. Soon after, he led me into the bedroom and we began making out. His hands began to wander more than usual and he started to undress me constantly promising me that he would not do it against my wish.

"This is against my wish", I began to scream but could not gather the courage. Before I could make sense of what was happening, he laid me on my back and climbed on top. I resisted and asked him to get off. My voice was swinging between angry screams and soft pleads. He placed his hand on my mouth. Suddenly, I felt a dagger piercing through my body and then a warm trickle of blood. He finished his business and rolled away remarking, "Oh, so you were a virgin". If I had a dagger, I would have surely lodged it into his heart for breaking mine into millions of parts.

His five minutes of pleasure killed something inside my 17-year-old female body. Through the years only I know how I have mustered the courage to trust a man again, fall in love, venture into marriage and give birth to two children. But, somewhere inside me, there is a gaping hole from the time a hormonal teenager skinned my heart.