Pride And Compromise

It was just five in the morning but Sunanda was already awake, sipping her tea in the veranda. It was still dark, the birds seemed to be asleep too, but she had not slept all night, feeling restless, getting nightmares, waiting for it to be morning somehow. After all, this could be the last sunrise she would be watching here, sitting in the small patio of her little house in Burla, a small town in Odisha. Somehow, the house looked unusually beautiful to her today, with it’s small well, it’s coconut trees, it’s own pond...after all, she had been there for several years now and she had always decorated it all by herself. The rapid urbanization in Odisha had paved way for many buildings and towers, but she still had her house. But then, for how long... she wondered.

Resting her head on the wall, her whole life seemed to rush past her. Sunanda had been the eldest of four kids and hailed from a poor family in Kerala. She had been a brilliant student and, she too had trained to be a teacher, getting a scholarship after her pre-degree. Topping the course, she secured a full time job in a top Public School. But then the responsibility of her siblings and ailing parents fell on her young shoulders. She did a good job; both her brothers finished graduation and settled in USA and her sister got married into a respectable family.

Now her parents wanted her to settle down too, but she was well above thirty. Sunanda was not very keen about the alliance but then she bowed down to her parents’ wishes and finally agreed to marry Prabhakar, a middle aged free lance Ayurveda doctor.

Prabhakar and Sunanda purchased a small but independent house, the house in which she lived now, the house she had cherished for all these years. Sunanda would work in the school all day and Prabhakar would practice at home.

But soon Sunanda realized that her condition was still the same, she was the bread winner with a steady income and Prabhakar just sat at home most of the time. He was an obedient husband, he performed all the household chores without complaining, but Sunanda somehow could neither love nor respect Prabhakar, she did not know why. He could never be her knight in shining armor; he was more like a compromise she made. Her role was the same at home and at work; she was like a matron at home, scolding Prabhakar, commanding him, just like how she was at the school, a strict head teacher to all her juniors.

It was two years after marriage that Sunanda was blessed with a son and she realized, motherhood was what she had been waiting for all her life. Having little Manish was such a relief for her, she felt as if finally she had got somebody to call her own. And no, she was not ready to compromise anymore, Manish would be brought up the way she wanted, he would be her pride, her best friend.

And Manish was indeed a perfect son, a mama’s boy. Prabhakar would babysit him when Sunanda was at the school, but Manish hero worshiped his mother. He was a brilliant student and an all rounder at school. Sunanda was happy, not only was her son doing well, but she had full control over him and over her house.

Amidst their busy lives, Sunanda and Manish somehow never noticed how upset Prabhakar was getting, how aloof from them he was. His wife and son didn’t respect him and he felt they could easily manage without him. He spent most of the time at church, and one morning, leaving a note, he just left them, going off with a spiritual group, in search of peace.

It wasn’t as if Sunanda hadn’t felt sad, she had. After all, he was the man of her house, her old age companion, but then she wasn’t shattered. They had grown apart in the last few years and there was no love left anyway. So, with an adolescent Manish to take care of, she bravely took charge of her life. She was an efficient teacher at the school and her department depended upon her for everything. She was equally efficient at home, supporting Manish academically and financially. Being the good son that he was, Manish worked hard, studied well and fulfilled her dream of making him a doctor. A few years more and Manish coaxed Sunanda to retire and relax at home. His mother had single-handedly brought him up and made him what he was; he considered it his duty to take care of her in her old age. But he never left their home and Burla, he was happy there and always wanted to be with his mother .

Now that Manish was settled in life, there were marriage brokers visiting every day. For Manish, his mother’s decision was final, so after lots of deliberation and consultation, Rosy was finalized to be Manish’s bride. Rosy was a lecturer too and worked in another College nearby. One fine January morning, Rosy walked into Sunanda’s house and Manish’s life.

And then, in spite of Sunanda swearing to herself that she would be a good mother- in- law, differences crept in. “ I have always held the reins of the house and kitchen, so how dare Rosy decide what Manish wanted for breakfast? Hardly two months of entering the household and how could Rosy decide the colour of the curtains and where to place the flower vase? How could Rosy instruct the maid or decide which channel to watch on TV? Had she forgotten that it was Sunanda’s house and it was she who was the intruder? How dare she behave as if it was her own house?” Sunanda thought.

And Manish, who had needed Sunanda’s permission for everything, now, ate out often and came home late at night, often after a movie with Rosy. He didn’t even bother to take Sunanda along. He would even take Rosy out on weekends and never bother to ask Sunanda, why didn’t he take her too?

And Sunanda, not the one to compromise, decided to set everything straight. On one occasion, she threw a huge tantrum, scolded Manish in front of Rosy, telling him how he had forgotten her and how he had suddenly got hen pecked. When Rosy tried to intervene, talking something about privacy, Sunanda lashed out saying that Manish was her son before being Rosy’s husband and it was Rosy’s sheer luck that she had got such a good alliance. In her effort to enforce her full control, Sunanda happened to distance herself from Rosy’s parents too.

The fights and arguments multiplied, and Manish often found himself caught between his mother and wife. Sunanda would forcefully join them for their movie outings and back in the bedroom, Rosy would throw a tantrum. Sunanda still wanted total control over Manish and Rosy got sick and tired of the never ending interference.

But then, things sobered a bit when Rosy got pregnant. Rosy was a working woman and Sunanda respected her for that. Being a teacher herself, she took good care of Rosy and Manish sighed in relief, hoping everything would become normal.

Subham arrived on a beautiful rainy morning and filled the little house with joy. In three months, Rosy started working at the college leaving Subham in Sunanda’s care. Sunanda now started her new job as a full time ‘mother’. She had missed being a hands-on mother to Manish, but now she was grateful to God for giving her Subham. As for Subham, as soon as he started talking, the first word he uttered was ‘Mamma’ and that was for Sunanda. Sunanda forgot all her problems with Rosy and Rosy was happy too. Subham would sleep with Sunanda and the young couple got the privacy they had sought since long.

Things went fine for some time, but then as Subham grew and started schooling, Rosy found faults with his upbringing. She would chat with other mothers her age and then complain that he wasn’t eating by himself because granny fed him always, he wasn’t taking bath by himself because granny bathed him always, he wasn’t behaving properly because granny pampered him too much.

Soon Rosy started finding faults with everything that Sunanda did. There were frequent fights and Subham would end up getting pulled into the tug of war. On one occasion, Sunanda ended up telling Rosy that it was her house and her grandson, so Rosy could go wherever she wanted and do as she pleased. Rosy on her part, shouted back saying that Sunanda could keep her son, but had no right over Rosy’s son.

The same evening, Rosy packed her bags, took Subham along and left Sunanda’s house. Manish didn’t return home that night, he had obviously been with his wife. Two days later when he returned, and Sunanda tried talking to him, he lashed out, “How could you do this to me? She is my wife, that’s my son .Just because you treated father badly, does that mean I should do the same with my wife? What kind of a mother are you, who doesn’t want to see her son happy?”

In all those years, it was the first time that Sunanda felt shattered. Manish had questioned her motherhood, called her a bad mother. After everything she had done for him, this is what she had got in return, a ‘Bad Mother’ label.

Manish had now totally turned against her and now spent most of the time there in his wife’s house. Sunanda tried calling many times in desperation, to listen to Subham’s voice once, but Rosy didn’t let Subham talk to his grandmother. And Sunanda felt too proud to apologise to Rosy.

Then one day, just like that, she collapsed. The doctors said it was a heart attack, she was lucky that the neighbors had seen her unconscious in the veranda, but then how could she tell the doctor that she couldn’t be cured now. Her heart was broken, with the only two people she adored, Manish and Subham, now totally away from her.

She came back home and Manish was with her all the time. Even Rosy came with Subham, and Sunanda decided she would apologise to Rosy the next morning and request them to stay with her, let her play with Subham again. But in the evening, while she was telling Subham a story, Manish told her that Rosy’s father had found a job for her in an University in UK. Manish would be moving with her, he would anyway get a job there. Subham would also have better academic opportunities there. They would be leaving Sunanda the next day itself and fly to UK in a week’s time.

Stifling her tears and anger, Sunanda asked him what she would do, all alone. What if she got a second attack? That’s when Manish reluctantly told her that he had discussed about this with Rosy and after a lot of consideration, Rosy had agreed. Sunanda could stay with them in UK, but on one condition that she would reconcile with Rosy, listen to everything Rosy said, would never fight with her and never interfere with Subham’s life. She could join them in UK if she wanted, but Rosy was not to be hurt again.

Sunanda thought about it all night, she wept uncontrollably into the pillow. She was already seventy, could suffer from an attack again. She could either go to UK and live with Subham or stay back and be confined to a lonely life in this house, with no body to talk to and with nothing to do all day. She had loved Manish and Subham too much and couldn’t imagine living without them anymore.

And finally she decided, for the first time in her life she would swallow her pride and compromise with her daughter- in- law. She had lived her whole life on her own terms, but then, the very thought of being separated from Subham for life was unimaginable. After all, she would not live very long now, what difference would it make where she lived or where she died? Did it matter where a person was buried, once he was dead?

And today, sipping tea in her veranda, she thought to herself, “ Had she been wrong in asserting her control over Manish and Rosy? Had she been wrong all the while? The compromise that she was making now, couldn’t she have made it a few years back? If she had let Rosy cook, given her some privacy, let her take decisions for Manish and Subham, she could have had her Manish and her dearest Subham right here, playing with her, talking to her. After all, Rosy was a woman too. She did have some right over her husband and kid. Perhaps, if she had respected Prabhakar a bit, loved him, wouldn’t she have been less lonely now?”

She thought about it and sighed. In an effort to win all the time, she had lost big time. The furniture had all been sold and the caretaker had been told to water the trees. She knew it wouldn’t be long before Manish would sell off the house, so she would be confined to a small flat in London for the rest of her life.

She walked around the house, absorbing every bit of her last moments in the house. She then went into her bedroom and finished her last minute packing, her flight was in the afternoon, the cab would come soon, to take her to Bhubaneswar airport and she would leave her whole life behind.