For Eternity

He tried to remember her name but couldn’t. At sixty, his memory was fading fast. He knew it would be gone one day and then life would again be a blank page as if it was just the beginning of life, but this time his mind would not be able to write anymore. The doctors said dementia was degenerative, it would degenerate him to a toddler and then finally to an infant – life back in full circle. All the memories that he had collected all his life would fade, pushing him into the depths of unknown.

Rajesh had a huge family, four kids and then their families. But he didn’t have a wife, they had divorced right after the birth of their last offspring. She had shifted to the states and they had never met or spoken to each other. He had thrown all the things that could remind him of her. He wanted that chapter of his life over – he wanted to forget all the scars that his marriage had left and now he couldn’t remember any. It had been nearly twenty-five years and life had moved on, till this fateful condition was diagnosed. Time had stood still since then and Rajesh was in limbo. His whole life hanging by this tender possibility of what he remembered and what he didn’t and the 'didnt' part had increased with each passing day. Finally, he had decided to shift to a care center where they would have many people suffering from a similar ailment. It was slightly easier that way. He no longer needed to belong to the world of people who could effortlessly remember what they had for dinner the previous day. He was just happy to be able to take care of himself – to remember the sequence of daily chores he had to do every day. He really felt elated on the days when he remembered the name of his grandkids as well – that was a bonus for that day and a reason to smile.

He had made new friendships in this care center – people whom he met daily, played games with, chatted with – some of whom could still talk fluently, and some who were consistently at the loss of words and tried to compensate by gesticulations. It was a small community and that is where he had met Rekha.

Rajesh was accompanied by all his kids who had come to bid him farewell. He was nervous and jittery. As he wrote his name on the entry form, he felt as if he was making the last entry for his life. He didn’t know till when his fingers would be able to form the words – one day no ink would be able to help him write. With this thought, he sat pensively in one corner while his son did the necessary formalities.

“It is a state of the art facility” – she had intervened his thoughts.

He looked at her and saw her smiling. She looked cherubic against the silver of her hair. She had the most perfect teeth he had seen and every time she smiled there was a twinkle in her eyes while a few grey strands of her hair danced frivolously on her forehead. Her voice was musical as if creating a melody with the surroundings. Her smile and the lovely voice hit a chord in his heart and it was love at first sight.

“You stay here?” – he asked with interest.

“Yes, In the E wing. And I love it here” – she said, sitting next to him.

They chatted for a long time – till all the formalities were done. Rajesh felt more confident now. He was sure he would make more friends. He felt more comfortable and started looking forward to staying here far away from home.

Over the years, Rekha and Rajesh met nearly every day. Initially, they chatted for long hours. They were happy. Rajesh was mostly the listener. For him, life was only in bits and pieces. He remembered more of his childhood and some of the time that had just past by – last week maybe and certainly not the last few years.

They exchanged their thoughts and how life had been for both. Gradually, the thoughts diminished, and the words dried. The chats were punctuated with longer silences, but their souls still communicated well. Every day, Rajesh looked forward to meeting Rekha during lunchtime after which they would go for languorous walks, both slowed down by the effects of age. But their spirits were high, and their laughter was loud.

“I had never imagined that coming to this old age home would give me a new spark of happiness” – Rekha had mentioned once. They had held hands for long and that day they had confessed undying love for each other – a love for eternity.

“It is odd to fall in love at this age!” Rajesh had joked and Rekha had squeezed his hand as if assuring him of her feelings.

“Will you always love me and care for me even if I won’t be able to speak about my feeling to you?” Rajesh had asked suddenly. The familiar pang of fatality of his senses was perturbing him.

“Yes. I will. And you do the same!” She had said to him, lovingly.

Rekha also met his kids and she gelled well with all of them. Every weekend there would be an extended family time where Rajesh initially participated whole-heartedly. He used to forget about his own incapability at these times. But now, each day had started becoming tough. Every morning, the slate of his memory would be nearly clean – only a few syllables here and there forming loose ends of a big jigsaw puzzle. His caretaker would come in the morning to start the chores, but all Rajesh would look forward to was being with Rekha and sitting next to her. He used to be mostly silent. Talking was too much of an effort for his brain and it used to leave him tired and irritated.

Rekha was most patient and tried to entertain him most of the times with her stories of what all happened in E wing. But, these days she too preferred sitting silently next to him, just letting him be without intruding his space, but being there for him. And when Rekha was gone, Rajesh would just close his eyes and form images of her in her mind. He was always able to – it was as if his mind didn’t have any role in this memory of hers. His heart was too adamant not to lose her even when she was not around.

That day, Rajesh couldn’t contain himself with the frustration of not being able to remember her name. He closed his eyes and no images formed. He couldn’t remember how she looked. He waited for her to be there – and decided to form new memories. He was confused and flustered. The doctors finally gave him a sedative, following that he slept most of the time.

Rekha didn’t turn up that day and the day after and the week after as well.

Rajesh did know he was waiting for somebody, but he was not able to understand what he felt for the one he was waiting. He felt a longing, but he was not able to question the people around him why he felt this way. No words came out – it was just a jumbled stream of gibberish.

He didn’t go out of his room. He didn’t want to look at the bright light outside, it hurt him more than ever. He felt vacuum around him. There were forms of various things around him, but he was too tired to open his eyes and look. Looking around hurt – his eyes faltered to recognize what he looked at. His senses were slowly leaving him. It was maybe the final time, after that he would be just a mass of bones and flesh.

Finally, during lunchtime, as he sat on the wheelchair, he heard the familiar voice. And there she was, somebody whom he knew. Somebody who brought out strange feelings of affection and positivity. His lips curved into a smile as she held his hand and spoke in a hoarse voice – “I was sick. Had a high fever for days. I am so sorry, I couldn’t come in the last few days.”

He looked at her – her mouth was moving, and her voice felt soothing to hear. But he didn’t understand what she was saying. All he knew that he was happy to see her, even though he no longer remembered her name.

Rekha looked at him, hoping for a word or two of response. But his face was blank, a sweet smile plastered and loving eyes looking at her. She hugged him tightly, reassuring him that she would love him even though he may not be able to express his love to her.

Rajesh’s elder son, Abhilash and his family joined them for lunch that day as it was a weekend. Every weekend, one of the kids and the family would drop in. They had been able to maintain this without any fail, since he had been admitted.

“How is he?” Abhilash asked Rekha.

Rekha’s eyes were moist, as she looked at Rajesh who was staring at nothing. She apprised Abhilash that he was no longer with them mentally.

“Oh”, was all Abhilash could say. Last month, his father looked much better when he had visited him. At that time, his father could even speak in broken sentences.

Rekha helped Rajesh eat his meal and on his way back, he held her hand seeking reassurance that she would be there every day with him. Rekha and Abhilash sat with him for hours.

Abhilash got up to leave finally. His family was getting restless now and he did have work to be finished at home.

“Ask everybody to come next week. You should meet him more often now.” Rekha said, before adding hesitantly “I am also planning to shift in the room next to his. It is vacant now. I don’t want to say every day that I am coming from a non-existing E wing.”

Abhilash was moved and he hugged her – “Thanks for coming back…. Ma” he spoke.

Rekha consoled him – “I will be there for him even if he doesn’t know I am here. For twenty-five years he lived his life and he didn’t want me to part of it. But, I want to be here now – I don’t want to be a forgotten memory for him – I don’t want to become a memory now. I want to be here as Rekha for him, I want to do things for him which as his wife Surekha, I could never do.” She said tears flowing freely along with her emotions.

As Surekha saw her son and his family leave the corridor, she came back to Rajesh’s room and found him sitting upright, an unusual smile adorning his face.

“Re..Rekha…”- he said quickly, his voice barely audible and his diction a bit slurry.

She hugged him tightly, basking in the warmth and the happiness of her love being recognized by him, promising to herself that the love would be there for eternity.