I Live In With My Married Part

I learnt classical dance, ever since my mother passed away. She passed away when I was just 12. Ever since dance has been my solace. My actor father was an alcoholic and therefore, my grandmother limited my interactions with him. However, when my grandmother passed away, I was in a fix. Better sense prevailed in my father and he sent me to Delhi for college.

Two years later, I met Sukesh in a dance program. He was about a decade older and married. He had his wife and his parents living in Gujarat in his ancestral home while he was in Delhi for employment reasons. This was the traditional way of living out a marriage. Our overwhelming romance took us both by surprise.

In a few months, I gave up my PG accommodation and moved in Sukesh's flat to live with him. In the new apartment culture, nobody cared whether we were married or not. They presumed that we were. To all the neighbors, I was Mrs Mitali Sukesh. Everything went well for the first three years. Sukesh was earning well in his business. He would go 'home' once every month and I was happy with my dancer life. I had begun teaching dance in a nearby girls school.

My father had now become a philanderer and he hardly cared for me, which means this was the only home I had. Sukesh often assured me that while he wouldn't divorce his wife, he would always be by my side and he loved only me.

Then I got pregnant with my lover's child.

Our paradise got shaken when at 23, I found out that I was pregnant. Sukesh was very happy. However, he had a big disclosure to make, too. He already had two children with his first wife. I was shattered. I did not know what to decide.

Though Sukesh kept on reassuring me that he would love our child with the same intensity that he did his two children from his first wife, I was feeling insecure. I even contemplated abortion and I consulted a gynecologist on the subject. But, he dissuaded me from going ahead with it.

Sukriti was born and we looked like a perfect family. However, now, his family had come to know about me, so they had started making efforts to separate us. They started doing my character assassination by calling me a vile seductress. His brothers would call at odd hours, asking me to leave him or face dire consequences. Once, his first wife, with her two kids, landed at our flat. She had brought along his mother too. They created a huge scene in the society. They told everyone that I was illegally living with her legally wedded husband and the father of her children and was forcing him to give his name to my illegitimate daughter.

He began to spend more time with his wife and children.

Those were tough years for both of us and our relationship. We were both torn between the societal moralities and equally concerned about our child's future too. Sukriti was 5 when Sukesh's eldest son had an almost fatal accident at his school. He rushed home. The boy was saved, but, he had to be hospitalized for a long time. Sukesh moved his wife and kids to another house in Delhi.

Now, his time was spent between the two 'homes', and he would justify it by saying, "It's okay, so many cultures have polygamy and I do not love you or Sukriti any less. The boys are growing up. They also need a father figure around."

In those years his business had increased manifold and so had my career. I was now traveling more often nationally and internationally for shows and performances. So we decided that Sukriti would be better off at a boarding school. She was sent to one in Mussoorie. The next few years were turbulent. Sukesh was divided between his so called 'two families'. He would often miss some important occasion like a birthday or a function at Sukriti's school. But, I stayed on because he and Sukriti were my only family. This was the home we had made together, I believed.

My daughter blamed me for our disturbed life.

In her teenage years, as the reality of our live-in relationship sank in, she also started blaming me for our disturbed life. I would often look back at the choices I'd made and find that my main motivation was love. I had not accepted any other proposal in so many years for the sake of Sukesh's and our daughter. For me, they were my family, marriage or not.

Sukriti went for higher studies abroad in a few years. As his sons got married, Sukesh moved in with his first family and I was left alone. Though he would visit me on weekends, I could not understand this new equation of having him for limited time conditionally.

Sukesh passed away after a mild heart attack. Sukriti married an American classmate and lives in the US. I am yet to decide whether it was a live-in, affair or merely love.

When I look back, I feel it was a free choice that I made. Sukesh loved me, took good care of me and Sukriti, and we were just like any other couple, except for being 'legally wedded'. Yes, I paid a price for my choice, being alone now in middle age, the stigma of being the 'other woman', but then is it not a given? No choices come for free! I do not regret living in with my married partner.