The Essence of the Heart

---- Hey Prema, what's up?

---- Nothing dude, but you are looking very happy today, is not it?

---- Of course I am happy. Infact I am super excited.

---- Why?

--- Come on, how can you forget! The day after tomorrow is Valentine's day. Uhoo…

---- Yah right.

---- Why this sulky face? You're coming right?

---- Actually I have a family get together on 14th, so…

---- Oh no no no, no excuses okay? It's our first Valentine's day in college. Can you imagine?

---- Yeah right. But…

---- Hey babe the family get together can happen anytime anywhere, but Valentine's day… it comes only once a year. How can you miss that? And moreover, what would happen if anyone snatches your Avimanyu in your absence?

---- My Avimanyu! Oh you crazy girl! 

---- Oh dear, the girl is blushing!

---- No I am not.

---- Come on, you don't have to hide it from me.

---- Nupur…!!!

---- Hey… uh la la the handsome hunk is coming towards you.

   Usually, Nupur always teases Prema with the name of Avimanyu, but today the girl is not joking. It's indeed Avimanyu coming towards Prema. Prema's heart begins to buffer. But before the guy can come to Prema, that girl bashes with Avimanyu. There was a cup of coffee in her hand. The coffee spills out everywhere including the shirt of Avimanyu. The girl is startled and she begins to apologise to Avimanyu in her guilty voice. She also offers her hanky to him.

---- Did she do it on purpose?

---- Of course. Otherwise she can never find any other guy for her collision!

---- I think she has a crush on Avimanyu. That's why she always tries to drag his attention.

---- You're right Prema. I also think so. 

---- And look at Avimanyu, can't he protest.

---- Babe, Avimanyu is a decent boy, he cannot understand the dirty tricks of that bitch. But you don't worry.

---- How can't I?

---- Why not! Do you think that castrate can ever beat you? Never. Avimanyu is never going to look at her.

---- Castrate, yeah, the right term for her. You know what I think God has put female organs in a male body by mistake.

---- Ha ha ha…

---- Yeah, otherwise a girl should have some beauty, some tenderness. What is in her?

---- Exactly my princess. That's why I am telling you not to worry. Just come on 14th with a red saree, Avimanyu will go mad. Trust me…

---- Really? 

---- It's my guarantee.

---- Hey I heard that the dress code for the v'day have been decided to be sarees for females and sherwani for males?

---- Yup.

---- Hey, that boy like girl is going to wear saree on that day?

---- Oh then it's going to be a super exciting scene. She will just look like a cartoon in saree. 

---- Lol.

                     *******

It's a saddened afternoon. The girl has just returned from college and has locked herself in her room. Her name is Devanshi, the part of God. Is it so? It seems to her that her parents had purposefully chosen the name for her to mock her. Otherwise, why did they name the girl as Devanshi who is born out of curse! God was probably irritated by some reason while creating her. Devanshi puts off all her clothes and throws them on the floor. The huge mirror on the wall is now reflecting the naked body of a girl. It is heard that the beauty of a girl lies in the carve of her waist, but Devanshi cannot find any such in her body. There are only muscles and abs on her body just like a man. Yes, it's Devanshi. There are two white portions hanging from the upper part of the body. Devanshi holds them tight with her hands, the white complexion turns into red in pain but Devanshi is not yet ready to release them. She cries in rage, "Why? Why are you there? What is the necessity of bearing you when in spite of your presence people doubt my female self!!! What are you doing!!!"

   Devanshi comes to the balcony. The sun is going to sleep soon. Now the whole sky is painted with the saffron colour of the Sun. It seems that two love birds are embracing each other tightly before biding good bye. Two sparrows are feeding each other on the varnish of the window. It seems that the entire nature has been decorated with colour of love. But there is only one person who is all alone in this world. People may call her castrate, people may mock her, she may not have the tenderness of a girl; but still beneath the muscular chest, there is a heart, a female heart, a tender female heart which longs for someone. It waits for someone to conquer. But Devanshi knows it well that the longing is never going to end, they are the part of her life long misery. 

   Avimanyu is the most handsome guy in the college. Probably there is not a single girl in the college who is not crazy for that boy. Yes, Devanshi too… she didn't want to fall for him, but she doesn't know how she fell and why she fell. It's true that she has a crush on him but it doesn't mean that she ever tried to draw his attention. Devanshi knows herself. Then why did Prema and Nupur blame her like this!!! Why they insulted her like this? Devanshi wonders that these girls while insulting her go to such an extent that they forgot about anything else. While insulting and mocking Devanshi, they also insulted the transgender people. Why? Are not those people human? Last week Prema was giving a speech in the class regarding feminism. There she expressed her discontent that when a boy cries, he is mocked at by saying "girly". According to Prema it's an insult of a female. Then how can it be justified to call someone "castrate" !!! Devanshi cannot understand. 

  The evening is gradually approaching with the winter dews. Devanshi's body begins to tremble in cold. She returns to her room. Her phone is vibrating on the table. She immediately picks up the phone, but the person from the other side puts down. Nine missed calls from an unknown number… Devanshi is shocked. Who can it be? Usually, no one calls her. Then …? She has forgotten to turn the loud mode on after returning from the class, and that's why she could not hear the ring. With hesitation in heart she calls back. The person from the other side picks it up, "Oh goodness at last the queen gets the time to pick up my call. Madam, why do you carry a phone when you don't use it?"

"Who are you?"

"Who I am! Don't you know?"

"No."

"Have you already forgotten my voice?"

"Do I know you?"

"If you know the person from whom you have borrowed the Economics general notes, then yes you know me."

"Sagar!"

"Ah what a relief, finally madame can recall me."

"You need to make these complexities. You could simply tell your name."

"Yes certainly I could do that. But I want to test your memory."

"Why?"

"Because once you have borrowed something from me but you are not showing any effort to return them back."

"Oh I am extremely sorry. I completely forgot. Today I took them to class but then I forgot because of some personal problems."

"Personal problems… hmm. Being insulted by someone who are actually no one is indeed a personal problem."

"What are you saying?"

"Nothing just like you. I wonder why didn't you utter a single word when those miss universes of your department were insulting you."

"How do you know?"

"It's not important. By the way who is Avimanyu? Your crush?"

"No."

"Ok, then tell me one thing is that why you didn't protest? Why didn't you utter a single word in your defense? Can I suppose that you also believe that conception about yourself?"

"Shut up. Just shut up. Don't cross your limit. Who are you to judge me?"

"None."

"Yes. You are nobody, just nobody. You have no right to talk about me. Tell me what is your problem if I am not beautiful, I am not tender like girls? Listen, I am happy with myself."

"Reall? Do you believe it in your heart?"

"It's none of your business. And you want your notes back right? Tomorrow I will return them to you. And listen I don't want to see your face again."

"Tomorrow I will not be able to attend college. So you return it to me on the next day."

"The day after tomorrow! It's Valentine's day."

"So?"

"I will not go to college."

"Listen you can't give excuses. I want my notes back on that day, and it's final."

Before Devanshi can say anything more, the boy has put down the phone.

  Devanshi throws the phone on the bed and starts crying bitterly. She doesn't know why. Perhaps, it's because the boy has uttered the bitter truths on her face. Why always God do all these to her! She wants to avoid the day of Valentine but…

                ********

Finally it's the long-desired 14th of February. Love is chuckling all around. The flower shops are full with red roses, heart-shaped bouquets. The streets are crowded with love birds. The sun is shining brightly, probably to commemorate the day of love. But amongst all these, there is a single girl who is not happy, rather she is extremely irritated by the blossoming nature of the day. People may mock her, "grapes are sour". Maybe it's true. She always likes to spend this day in her cocooned world, but this year is different. Devanshi has to come to college because of that crazy fellow. Why can't he wait for another day to take back those notes. Devanshi enters in the campus on her black scooter. The entire campus is decorated with red flowers and balloons. The love birds are roaming all around with there pair. Devanshi is the only mismatch among them. She has no one to pair with. Actually she doesn't need anyone for herself. She is happy to be single. 

   Devanshi rushes to the vehicle stand with her scooter. She has planned to call Sagar here and to return back the notes. Then again back to the pavilion. She doesn't want anyone to notice her because there was a puja in her house and she had to wear a saree for that. She thought to change her dress but mom didn't allow her. She said, "You should to college in this. You're looking beautiful my daughter."

Moms are like this, their daughters are always beautiful in their eyes. But the truth is something else. Devanshi knows it well how much embarrassment she has to feel if anyone notices her. After placing the scooter, she is just about to call Sagar when she first hears the sound. This vehicle stand is in a lone corner of the campus, so usually no one comes here. But probably today any couple has chosen the place to spend some time in private. Devanshi does not need to know anything more about them. She finds the number in the contact list and is almost about to press the green button when she hears a scream for the second time. No one does scream like this if he/she is not in danger. What happen!!! Devanshi put the phone back in her bag and moves to the side from where the sound was coming. She peeps through the stand and a horrible sight comes in front of her eyes. There are two girls surrounded by three boys. Those girls are none but Prema and Nupur. Prema has worn a red saree and the fringe of her saree is now in the hands of one of those goons. Prema is trying hard to cover her body with her hands. Devanshi couldn't think of anything else. She knows it well that what should she do now. 

  One of the goons is just about to kiss Prema forcefully when he's suddenly breached by someone. The boy is startled, so he releases the fringe immediately, he is bleeding in his mouth. The rouges now notice Devanshi. They think it's just a girl who has kicked their partner by chance, nothing else. This time it doesn't matter to clobber the girl. But surprisingly, as soon as they go to catch the girl, the girl becomes so furious that she has made another's nose bleed. Within a few minutes the black belt winner of Karate, Devanshi knocks down all the goons. And because of the chaos, many people have already gathered there, and they grab the goons when they were about to flee.

  "Great, we usually call you 'boy' for fun but today you have really done the job of a boy. We are proud of you Devanshi."

The words knock at Devanshi's ears. She raises her face and sees Avimanyu is standing there just beside Prema. Probably they had a plan to meet here. Devanshi looks at Avimanyu's eyes and says in a calm voice, "I'm a girl, how can I do any task of boys!! I think the task of protecting oneself and others has nothing to do with our sexual identity."

"No actually…"

"And moreover, I don't believe that the sole duty of a girl is to decorate herself to impress others. I'm not like this, and I love the person who I am."

 Avimanyu lowers his face out of shame. Beside him, Prema and Nupur are also standing by lowering their face. Probably, their ego is not allowing them to say "thank you." Devanshi does not need their thanks, rather she herself has to thank someone else, the man who gave her the confidence to speak for her. And today after speaking out her heart Devanshi is feeling so light. Oh, it's the time to find that man. But no sooner than she has turned back she bashes with someone. It's him, standing in front of Devanshi and looking at her in a strange way. Devanshi is startled, she doesn't know what should she tell. She takes a deep breath and asks in a trembling voice, "I'm sorry. Sorry for that day. I behaved so badly with you."

"Okay." he just utters the word. Devanshi becomes more nervous, "I was so disturbed that day so actually I expressed someone else's anger on you. But I promise this won't happen again. I…"

"But I want to be the person on whom you can drop all of your anger, pain, and sorrow," Sagar utters the words while offering a sunflower to Devanshi. Devanshi is shocked, "What? What do you mean."

"I knew that you would never come to college today, so I have to use the excuse of notes. Sorry."

"But…"

"Devanshi whatever I have said just now, I said all those from my heart. I like you from the moment I began to know you. I know you don't need anyone to protect you, you are enough in yourself. I just want a little right to walk beside you in the journey of life. Will you give me that?"

"Propose with a sunflower… lol.." Avimanyu taunts.

Sagar doesn't get angry, rather he asks in a calm voice, "The person whom I love is not tender like a rose, she is as strong as the sun, as bright as the sunflower. Therefore, a sunflower is a perfect offering for her."

  From morning, the sky was covered with mist. Suddenly a glorious sunshine comes out, removing the fog. She lost herself in the blue eyes of Sagar. Is it reality or a dream! Is it true that there is a person who is not bothered by her manly look, rather he can feel the true essence of her heart!!!

  When the sunrays is bathing the two blossoming hearts, suddenly a song begins to play in the mike,

"I want to grow old with you

I want to die lying in your arms…"