2001: The Story Of How I Was Offered A Time-Cube

New Haven,

2001

Around 2001 I was in high school, sitting in the library during my lunch period, where I usually was during my lunch period.

Someone---I think his name was Stephen--- a friend of my friend Dinko, approached us from the corner of the library.

"Hey, want a Time Cube?" he said.

"Hey, where did you get those?" Dinko said. "Get away from me!"

Then he addressed me:

"You haven't, um, ever won one of these nice, shiny, magnificent, highly ornamental trophies before, have you? All you have to prove is that you've done something that is against history or evolution!"

"Sure, I qualify" I said. "Here's my proof: I've always been anachronistic, and I have large ears, which are against the evolutionary trend of history".

"Well, okay, here you go!" he said.

"But do you know what these are for?" Dinko said. "It means your primitive, like NOT EVOLVED".

The first guy said "But of course, you have to pay for it, of course! They cost a significant amount!"

"But I thought they were awards!" I said, in a chirpy voice.

"They are awards, but they're bad!" Dinko said. "Stay away from them!".

"Then I resent the award, and retract my interest" I said.

"Very well!" he said.

"At least you learned something" he whispered under his breath.

But the story doesn't end there. A few years later I took my imaginary time-cube to a "time-travelers convention" at MIT where I was almost arrested for claiming that I went back in time three years. Perhaps without the time-cube it would not have been possible. That occasion and other events are recorded in my forthcoming (eventually) book, The Dimensional Time-Traveler's Toolkit, the most professional resource I predict will be available for those who wish to time travel with their minds.

---Nathan Larkin Coppedge