No mother, I don't paint my nails or play with barbies. I don't know how many times you need to say you have not two but one son before you actually believe it. I don't know how many times you have to repeat to yourself that this is all just a bad nightmare to believe it. I don't know how many times I have to tell you I am a man, just not the one you wanted me to be to believe it.
And father, I don't know how you do this. Let go off people you've loved your whole life. You speak of vermilion womb and infidelity. And the only vermin that exists is in your words, in your heart. I am a man, just not the one you wanted me to be.
And brother, I wonder why is it that two women kissing excites you but the thought of me kissing him repulses you. I cut my veins to see what's so different about my blood. Because that's what you tell me. That's what the law tells me. That your love is love but mine in unnatural. That the heart in my chest and my brain is biologically similar to yours but the feeling of love that flow within isn't.
I am a man, just not the one you wanted me to be.
Mother, you don't know, but when he touches me, every inch of me lights up like the fireworks. And when he kisses me, I swallow all your words that sit in my throat. Blood flows through all my dead cells and feelings and I'm alive again.
I am a man, the one he wants me to be.
And I think you should know that there are more than 1500 people who are homosexual but only one that's homophobic. There are one million, thirteen thousand nine hundred and thirteen words in the English language and even though you can't put some of them together to tell me you love me, you just need one to define me.
I am a man, the one I want myself to be.