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© Avnika Gupta


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As a little girl, 
I knew nothing about love,
All I knew were my mother's comforting Words
After I came home with a curse.
And so, I blew a love bubble into the universe.
As a little girl, I knew nothing about love,
But I knew love,
My heart has always known love like the
Lifeblood of the universe that moves faster to
It's broken pieces,
Forever intertwined to our transient Existence, 
The power of persistence.
Then one day, I stumbled upon porn,
Xvideos, Brazzers, PornHub, Tube8,
Sounds like so much fun,
But porn taught me everything
Away from love
In the name of love.
I learnt that two people with stuff in their
Pants that doesn't resemble each other,
Grope, thrust, and choke,
Each other's flesh,
That sex wasn't two broken hearts melting
Into each other,
only to realise 
That they had always been whole,
But sex was one overpowering body Engulfing the other,
That testosterone and estrogen weren't just hormones, 
But demons residing within our souls,
That two people could be so, 
So close to each other 
And yet so far.
That you think about my lips,
Not for the fireworks of hope they burst into the universe every millisecond,
For the love they've seen,
But for how you can spread them wide,
Wide enough,
To suck everything out of you 
Devoid of the beautiful person 
You could have been.
Porn made me forget men 
Who had loved and comforted me,
Because apparently, men are just 
Bags of lust,
who will mark even your
with the foul smell 
Of their desire.
Kisses blowing,
Juices flowing,
Arms around necks, 
Bloodthirsty tongues, 
Screaming lungs,
Mascara clad girls you idolise,
Overdose on LSD for exactly 3 minutes,
Because they need to make love,
With 33 men tonight,
Because they have to keep unknown fluids over bodies they once knew as theirs 
For exactly 133 Minutes,
Weeds and wounds,
Big tits, orgy bitch, sold slut, 
Are the only familiar sounds.
But fueling the forcefully created 
Fantasy of porn 
That sits up there in your head,
A gang-bang with a dumb whore without any traces of a brain,
Shivering legs tied to a chair with a chain,
Two women curled into each other, Because both are tired,
So tired of struggling under your 
Desperate desire to control,
Is more important,
Definitely more important,
That preserving the sacred notions of 
Sex and love and care.
But come to me love, 
Because I promise you,
I'm miles wide, 
And absolutely anything can come inside,
Your concealed sorrows,
Sealed lives 
And parallel universes. 
Let me tell you, my love, 
That sex isn't 
Vodka In ribcages,
After break up fling, or 
An experiment with your delivery boy,
No it's not the images in your head,
Sex is a love that paints it's longings over the sea of your skin,
and though you may be drowning
You never ask for help,
It's isn't 
Give and take,
Lose and win,
Sex isn't supposed to feel like sin.
As a little girl, 
I blew love bubbles into the universe. 
I still do. 
But now I fear 
That my love bubble may burst.
But that's okay, 
I'm STILL a little girl,
And I know nothing about love.

Porn Love Lust Flesh Hormones Demons Souls Desire LSD Fluids Bodies Fantasy Control

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