Why they cheat

It doesn't matter why they cheat, it's not about you. 

Since I started writing this blog I have gotten a huge response to my posts. I am truly grateful that this gift God gave me has touched so many people. 

Sometimes, I get messages asking for advice, now I am no Ann Landers, (yet another dinosaur reference, youngsters, Google it)

I fall on my face more than anyone I know, I make bad decisions and I definitely pick the wrong men. So when they message me I shake my head but still I am incredibly touched that they would want my opinion. The reason I write this is to inspire others to do what they didn't think they could do and getting these responses touch my soul, so thank you.

This last week alone 3 women reached out to me about a cheating boyfriend, husband, or lover. They all wanted to know what they did wrong, why they didn't see the signs and what I did to get past my situation, that I so publicly went through. 

Again, I am so not a love expert but this is what I shared with them.

1- First of all, it's not about you.

You can be the best wife or girlfriend. You can keep yourself beautiful, have your home spotless, cook like a top chef and supply his every need in the bedroom and yet he will still cheat. 

This is an ego thing for him, it has nothing to do with you. He doesn't feel like a real man inside and he constantly needs to feel like the big man on campus over and over again.

No matter how much you feed his ego, he needs to feel it from others again and again. Maybe he's a con man like my ex was, and this is his job, to con women for his own gain. 

Maybe he likes the thrill of being close to the edge of getting caught, whatever the sick reason is, none of them have to do with you! These are his issues, not yours! Do not beat yourself up!

2- There are signs.

Yes they are, yet you chose not to see them. You poo poo them away, you make excuses for them, yes 1 1 doesn't add up to 2 yet you come up with excuses... Well you know he has 2 jobs.. 

He is a good man... insert your bushit excuse here. 

Maybe you were blindsided but if you look back with clear eyes there were things that didn't sit right, that is your intuition, listen to it, it works trust me on this.

3- How did I get over it?

This is huge, huge... it's all about your self worth, what are you worth? Do you love yourself? How much? Is it okay to let someone do this to you? The answer is no! You need to love yourself enough to know that you are a smart, beautiful, kind and sweet woman. You need to know that any other man would be lucky to have you, to cherish the ground you walk on, this is just not the right one.

You deserve to be treated like the Queen you are and NOTHING LESS!! Hear me, nothing less! There are plenty of fish in the sea so why hold on to one that is a snake, beat up, and obviously defected. No, throw his ass back in and keep fishing until you get that prize, that award winning one. He's out there..Do you know how I know that there are good men out there? Because we are good women and we are out there, so there has to be some good men out there as well.

We also have to realize that it's okay to be alone.God, so many of us are afraid to be alone, why? We need to learn to treasure this time, learn who you are, what you want, what you like. Take this time to expand your interests, learn something new, try new things, meet new people. But just know that you are okay being by yourself and will not just settle for a man that isn't going to treat you right!

Will it be hard? Oh hell yes, you will cry, you will question everything. You will curse and get mad but then you must choose to go on, learn the lesson, and forgive. Yes, I said forgive but not for him for you. Let go of the hate and give it to your higher power, whatever that may be and move on.

You have just learned the most valuable lesson of your life, you have learned what your self worth is. You've learned that you will never again be treated that way, that you would rather be alone than to sell your soul for a fancy bag, flowers or a warm body in your bed.

You know who you are and that one day you will thank him for making you this strong woman you will become. 

So today my friends, remember this has nothing to do with you, this is a lesson and either you can learn from it or you can repeat the same mistakes. 

The choice is yours...The choice has always been yours.

"Be the change you want to see"

@Treadmilltreats