Why Did You Marry Me?

The lecture hall of the Motilal Nehru Medical College was brimming with bright young faces, all radiating a common glow of intelligence. Despite the crowd there were very few murmurs of conversation. It was the first Monday of September when the new medical students had assembled for their first lecture in the Medical College. The lecture hall built in the theatre style looked large for this group of fifty students. The unfamiliarity amongst the group was evident by the fact that the girls were huddled in the first two rows. The remaining boys were sprinkled sparsely in the upper rows.

Sitting in the left corner of the third row, Asif looked aimlessly waiting for the Professor to arrive. His mind drifted to the memory of long hours he had spent preparing for the NEET examination. He realized this was the moment of truth for which he and his parents had always dreamt. His memory drifted to the trauma when his father had taken a loan from the provident fund to pay for his exorbitant coaching fee. A thin tear covered his eyes when he recollected the look on the faces of his parents after he had broken the news of his qualification in the NEET examination. Asif’s floating thoughts abruptly ended when he saw the Professor walk into the class.

Nothing much happened in the class. The Professor started by asking everyone to introduce themselves. The sequence started from the front row with girls introducing themselves. As each girl stood and spoke a few introductory sentences, Asif’s mind started practicing what he was expected to say when his turn came. It was a few seconds later when the introductions reached the second row that Asif heard a girl introduce herself as Zeba from St Mary’s Convent, Allahabad. By the time he could see the girl properly, it was the turn of the next student to introduce. A few seconds later it was Asif’s turn and he introduced himself. As the introductions moved to other students, Asif’s eyes meandered towards Zeba. She was seated in the right corner and Asif had just a side view. Before he could see her properly, the Professor started speaking and Asif got engrossed into the lecture.

That night while he was reminiscing the events of his first day at the medical school, Asif couldn’t escape the thought of Zeba. There was something in that girl which was infectious. Asif focused his thoughts on revising the first lecture, he opened the book on his table, Lehninger’s Biochemistry.

The girl’s hostel was just a few hundred yards from the boy’s hostel. It was Zeba’s first night in the hostel. Returning from the class, she had taken a short nap. Still in bed and using the pillow as a cushion, she picked her Biochemistry book and absentmindedly flipped through the pages. Her mind, still not agreeing to read the book, drifted to the memory of the class in the morning. Her mind stumbled upon the sight of the lanky boy, sitting on the other side in the third row, who had introduced himself as Asif. Her mind coaxed her to align the tone of the boy to a far memory which was so hazy that it was impossible to recollect. She tried hard to recollect. With eyes aimlessly fixed on a distant wall, she found a probable answer some minutes later. A faint memory of a four-year-old boy in school uniform who used to share the same rikshaw trolley while she, as a small girl in blue tunic and skirt of Saint Mary’s school, took that same conveyance, became visible. Zeba’s face lit up with a smile. She remembered that the boy’s name was Asif. Without any obvious intention, Zeba closed the book and her eyelids drooped. She went back in time. She was a small girl and was going to school on a rikshaw trolley with ten other small children. Asif was seated just a few feet away on the other seat.

Zeba saw Asif in the corridor the next morning. Her eyes started finding resemblance between her present classmate and the boy who used to share the same rikshaw some eighteen years back. Asif walked past Zeba oblivious of what was going on in the mind of the beautiful girl who had introduced herself as Zeba in the introductions yesterday.

A week had passed and groups had started to emerge among classmates. The girls mostly kept within themselves. On numerous occasions Zeba found it interesting to observe Asif while he conversed with other boys. She realized that Asif’s mannerisms were almost the same that he used to display some eighteen years back. At times Zeba did get a feeling that Asif was observing her but Asif always looked blank when at times he met her gaze.

It was around the eighth week that practical classes started and students were divided in groups. Zeba found it interesting to see that Asif was in the same group as she was. A few days had passed while Zeba tried to strike a conversation with Asif. It was on the third day during one practical class, while the group was waiting for the spectrophotometer to be free from the earlier group, that Zeba popped the question to Asif asking him whether he is the same Asif who went to Boys High School in a rikshaw trolley from the Chowk locality almost eighteen years back. Asif felt bemused. His mind catapulted him to the time when he was in class one and went to school on a rikshaw trolley along with ten other children. While a smiling Zeba observed Asif’s reaction, Asif’s brain took very little time to bring back the image of a chubby girl in blue uniform who used to fight with him for the corner seat inside the trolley. Asif’s countenance said it all. His eyes looked straight at Zeba’s line of sight. They both smiled.

A couple of months had passed and several friendships were blossoming. The groups had become defined and conversation had changed from pleasantries to personal. Asif looked forward to moments when he and Zeba would visit the canteen for coffee breaks. Time passed. Friends too became used to the sight of Asif and Zeba sharing candid moments.

December was cold and the first semester examinations had been announced. Most students studied past midnight preparing for the examinations. It had become a routine that Asif would call Zeba and would meet her in the front garden after dinner. Both would take a lazy stroll for ten minutes and then go to their hostels. The rules of the hostel prohibited members of the other sex visiting each other’s hostel. That chilly night Zeba clung closer to Asif. Asif felt the warmth of her body. Their hands explored the unexplored. For a moment time stood still. Zeba stood on her toes to reach Asif’s face. She kissed him.

The next five years saw Asif and Zeba live life in romance. Examinations came and went. Finally, the time came when the medical course came to an end. All students were making hectic preparations for the post graduate NEET examination. When the results came Asif did very well to get Oncology and Zeba was admitted to Pediatrics. The subjects were different and so was the departments and the time table. For days Asif found it difficult to get time to sneak a visit to Pediatrics department.

Initially Zeba felt a void but as time passed, she became accustomed to her new routine. The new hostel for girls was far from PG Boys Hostel and the routine of after dinner strolls also ended. Time is a big healer and the pangs of growing distance with Asif became subdued. Zeba started to find new friends with whom she spent time. Asif remained in her loop with almost daily telephone calls.

The Pediatrics department was going to celebrate its centenary celebration and an elaborate function had been planned. Among the academic programs there was a cultural event to be followed by dinner. The post graduate students were given the responsibility of the cultural event. Zeba was a livewire and was coordinating the events. The rehearsals usually took place in the evenings after the classes got over. Sidharth was taking part in several programs. He was a talented singer and also played drums.

The heavy workload of studies never allowed the luxury of personal interactions on normal days but the preparations of the cultural event brought the students closer. Zeba had many interactions with Sidharth and she found him to be a highly intelligent boy. As days passed, Zeba could just not ignore her silent admiration for Sidharth. At times, she realized, she would listen to his songs with an intent that was beyond normal admiration.

The glittering cultural night started with the opening speech by Zeba. In that dark maroon thigh-slit evening gown she looked ethereal. Other events followed but Sidharth stole the lime light. The crowd continued to ask for more while he finished his quota of songs. The eloquent admiration of the crowd also had an echo in Zeba’s heart. As Sidharth finished his performance, backstage Zeba could not restrain herself and she hugged Sidharth. In that spontaneous show of emotion by Zeba, Sidharth felt a joy which was alien to him.

The function finished and whether it was a coincidence or providence, Sidharth found himself seated next to Zeba. Zeba radiated glow and Sidharth played the role of a perfect gentleman. Post dinner, Sidharth offered Zeba to drop her to her hostel. That night, Zeba forgot to call Asif. Almost half a kilometer away in the PG Boy’s hostel, Sidharth realized he was thinking more of Zeba than his stupendous singing performance.

The next day Zeba found she was trying to locate Sidharth in the class. Always a bit shy, today even Sidharth looked up to Zeba and waived. Life had taken a new turn for Zeba. After the class Zeba found she was waiting for Sidharth to break free of his friends and come to her. Absentmindedly they walked without reason to the coffee shop. While Zeba was having coffee her phone rang. She glanced at the screen and silently ignored the call. On the other end of the line Asif found it strange. His last three calls had gone unanswered.

A few months passed with Zeba living an intoxicated beautiful life in the company of Sidharth. During evenings, Sidharth would sing old songs which Zeba liked. It was again a cold December night when Zeba received a call from Sidharth post-midnight. Groggy eyed Zeba answered the call, an excited Sidharth informed her that he had got a fellowship to pursue post graduate studies at the Internal Medicine Department of Pisa University. Sidharth informed her that the fellowship starts from next month and that he intended to go to Italy. A pause followed before Sidharth found courage to say that he loved her and wanted her to come along. Zeba’s mind went into a spin. A kaleidoscope of thoughts engulfed her brain. Despite her desire to be in the company of Sidharth, the whole idea of moving to Italy was fraught with many uncertainties.

Events happened fast after that late night development. Zeba convinced her parents that she would be happy with Sidharth and would also find some medical course to pursue in Italy. Paperwork and visa were arranged. Within few weeks, Zeba and Sidharth were boarding the Alitalia flight for Rome enroute to the Leaning tower city of Pisa.

The departure of Sidharth and Zeba in the middle of the PG course was a perfect food for gossip within the Medical College social media. Asif too heard this news. For several months he had very little contact with Zeba but the stark reality still hurt him. He felt sad and forlorn.

With Zeba no long a factor in Asif’s life, Asif had very few distractions. He put all his energy in the PG Oncology course. Even before the scheduled completion of his course, Asif had several employment offers from leading hospitals. Within a week after getting his M.D. Degree, Asif joined the Regency Hospital in Kanpur as Chief Oncologist.

Asif took up his new responsibility with elan. He felt fortunate to find a decent rent accommodation in the nearby Sarvodaya Nagar within half a kilometer from Regency Hospital. Mrs Ghosh, the landlady, was a petite woman probably in her fifties. She had recently lost her husband due to COVID and lived alone with a daughter, Sunaina, who was pursuing her Ph D in English.

The hectic workload in the hospital was energy sapping and Asif was always longing for leisure time when he would indulge in his once favourite pastime of writing short stories. On rare occasions when Asif got a day off, he found it interesting to browse the collection of books in the bookshelves of Mrs Ghosh’s apartment. There were full collections of Larry Collins & Dominique Lappierre, Leon Uris, Fredrick Forsyth, and Mario Puzo. Another shelf stalked classics which included Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland, Homer’s Odyssey, Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice among others. Asif found it mouthwatering when his eyes fell upon the book of short stories by O’Henry. He wanted to ask Mrs Ghosh to take the book for reading but resisted the urge.

With only three people in the apartment, it was but natural that Sunaina did bump into Asif usually during mornings or late evenings. During these brief interactions Sunaina found the Doctor a perfectly mannered young man. However, in all the interactions there were only brief exchange of pleasantries. On one of the days, Sunaina did observe that Asif had paused to browse the bookshelf and was taking interest in the books on display. She felt amused, after all Oncology and Literature were poles apart.

A couple of months had passed since Asif had joined Regency hospital. Mrs Ghosh was happy with her new tenant. In Asif she discovered a perfect human, he was never late in paying his rent and lived a frugal lifestyle barely showing any signs of extravagance. Candidly, Mrs Ghosh sometimes thought that if she had a son, he would have been like Asif. In the last three months, she had not seen any indications of ill manners or any addiction in Asif. 

It was the month of Ramazan and Mrs Ghosh realized that Asif was observing fast. She heard him wake up in the last quarter of night and prepare something in the kitchen. The next day Mrs Ghosh set an alarm and woke in the wee hours and visit the kitchen. She found Asif preparing tea for himself. Mrs Ghosh asked Asif to sit while she prepared a healthy meal for Asif. In the morning, while Asif had already gone to the hospital, Mrs Ghosh asked Sunaina to bring a packet of dates when she returned from the University.

It was a December afternoon and being a Sunday, Asif also had an off day. In the last six months, the initial reluctance of talking to Sunaina had waned. Today while he was browsing the books on the shelf, Asif found Sunaina watching him. Taking the book of short stories by O’Henry, Asif walked up to Sunaina and asked her whether he can borrow the book to read. Sunaina looked startled, she could never imagine that someone who cured cancer patients and had an outward appearance of a serious person would be having such a literary taste. With a gleeful countenance she said ‘yes’. The ice being broken between the two, Sunaina asked Asif whether he had read O’Henry before, Asif’s face lit up, without taking a moment he said that he had read O’Henry’s ‘The Last Leaf’ and ‘The Gift of the Magi’. What started like a benign interlude, continued for over an hour. Both Asif and Sunaina talked about literature. Sunaina found out that Asif was very well read. They talked about Charles Dickens, Ernest Hemingway and ‎Paulo Coelho. After his failed romance with Zeba, this was the first time Asif had talked in a relaxed manner with a girl. Despite being living in this house for the last six months, Asif had never given any thought to Sunaina’s looks. Today while he engaged her in conversation, he realized she was enticingly beautiful.

As Asif returned to his room, clutching the book of short stories, he found he was humming an old Bollywood number. He felt happy.

The next Sunday it was again an off day for Asif. Not because he had completed reading the book, Asif searched for Sunaina to return the book. For an unknown reason Asif’s mind was coaxing him to continue the conversation that started last week. Sunaina too felt happy to see Asif. The conversation again continued for an hour. Sunaina offered to make a cup of coffee and Asif did not object.

The conversation between Sunaina and Asif which till now was confined to books and literature, drifted to more worldly affairs. Both realized they had many common interests. Asif felt delighted when Sunaina told him that she considered Maradona a better player than Pele. Sunaina started looking forward to evenings when Asif would return from hospital early.

On the next Monday, due to an emergency, Asif had to go to the hospital early in the morning. When he came back that afternoon, there was a piece of paper sticking on his door. Asif read the paper. In bold handwriting a message was scribbled “Today is my birthday, please come home early. We will celebrate and also have dinner together, Sunaina”.

It had been almost four years when Asif had last walked into a store to buy something feminine. Today as he walked into the HM store in Kanpur’s Z Square Mall, there was some excitement in his stride. His eyes scanned the gleaming dresses on display. Today every mannequin looked like Sunaina. He chose a bright red ensemble without looking at the price. On his way back to home, he stopped at the florist and asked for a Biedermeier bouquet. The florist asked him whether he needed a card. Asif paused; his mind debated many options. He realized his mind was not agreeing with what his heart wanted. Today he let his heart do the talking. He chose the card with the tagline “to my love”. He signed the card and placed it inside the bouquet.

Sunaina looked resplendent in her birthday dress. With only two people in attendance, she cut the cake. Asif sang a few muted lines of Happy Birthday to you….. Sunaina put a piece of cake in her mother’s mouth and then in a display of emotional freedom made Asif eat the cake from her hands. Asif reciprocated and made her eat the remaining piece from his hands. Mrs Ghosh, with a glint of tears of joy, watched her daughter get cozy with Asif.

Asif felt an excitement in life which he had lost for so many years. Almost every day, Sunaina would wait till Asif returned from the hospital. They both had dinner together.

It was a Monday night when Asif didn’t find Sunaina at the dining table. He softly knocked at Mrs Ghosh’s room. Once he heard Mrs Ghosh asking him to come inside, Asif asked why Sunaina had slept early. Mrs Ghosh informed Asif that Sunaina was not feeling well and she wanted to take rest.

Things returned to normal the next day but Asif found Sunaina a bit run down although Sunaina reiterated that she was well. It was a few days later that Sunaina again felt weak and also complained of nausea. This time she told Asif about her status and Asif gave her a few medicines. Things became normal.

Diwali was round the corner and festivities were being planned in Ghosh household. On the Diwali night when Mrs Ghosh, Sunaina and Asif sat for dinner, Mrs Ghosh started in a tone which was in effect addressed to both Sunaina and Asif. After short introductory words, Mrs Ghosh came to the point. She extolled the virtues of marriage and said that it the fitness of things she would be happy if Asif and Sunaina get married. Asif felt a sigh of relief, he wanted to say the same thing to Sunaina for a long time but could not find the right moment. Sunaina was lost in thought; it was in this moment that her eyes caught the sight of the small pink card inside the bouquet which Asif had brought. Her moist eyes read the words “to my love”. She blushed. She turned towards Asif. Asif extended his hand towards Sunaina and she held it. A few tears came down from Mrs Ghosh’s eyes.

Life had a new meaning for both Sunaina and Asif post that Diwali night. The Ghosh household was continuously bathed in joy. Mrs Ghosh loved the subtle show of affection which she sometimes witnessed between Sunaina and Asif. Asif told his parents and got their consent. He also informed the hospital that he would be taking two weeks leave. Once granted he told Sunaina. It was again at dinner time that the date of the marriage was fixed.

Asif realized that Sunaina had lost some weight in recent weeks. While science can boost to have solved the mysteries of the universe, it is still difficult to decipher a woman’s mind. Asif thought, with marriage round the corner, Sunaina must be dieting. Some days passed when Sunaina again complained of weakness and nausea. Asif found that she looked pale. Asif’s mind contemplated several options. His mind tried to escape any serious illness. However, not taking any chances, Asif asked Sunaina to visit the hospital and give a blood sample for pathology tests.

His mind raced to find an answer. The blood parameters of Sunaina were loud and clear. Sunaina was in the second stage of blood cancer. Today as Asif went through the pathology report, he wished that everything which was written there was wrong. In the past, on hundreds of occasions, he had told his patients that pathological tests are done by computers and cannot be wrong, but today he wished otherwise. For a change today Asif was not a doctor but a guardian.

Sunaina was waiting when Asif returned home. Asif hugged Sunaina and presented her with a rose which he had picked from the florist on his way back. Sunaina insisted to know what was in her blood report. Asif reassured her that everything was fine and she will be fine. To divert her thoughts, Asif discussed at length the preparations of her marriage. After dinner, Asif gave her some medicines which were not the usual ones which Sunaina was taking. Sunaina looked perplexed but didn’t say anything.

Sunaina continued to lose weight. Her bouts of nausea became more frequent and she felt weak. Asif conducted more tests and coaxed her to take more medicines. Sunaina found it difficult to understand what was happening but remained clueless. Asif kept on encouraging her. Almost every day he would come home early from the hospital and his show of affection became more pronounced.

Just a few days were left for the marriage. Sunaina was fighting a losing battle. She was forcing her body to find the energy to live up to others’ expectations. Friends and relatives were enjoying the festivities. Sunaina labored hard to put out a brave face.

Marriage was solemnized. Finally, Asif and Sunaina became Man and Wife. Mrs Ghosh was extremely happy. While Sunaina and Asif had been busy in marriage preparations, Mrs Ghosh had been visiting an attorney to create a will. Today, as Asif and Sunaina returned home, she presented them with inheritance papers for all the properties which were hitherto in Mrs Ghosh’s name. 

It was in the morning that Asif informed Sunaina that they would be going to Mumbai for honey moon. Today Sunaina was feeling much worse but she forced a smile. The flight from Kanpur to Mumbai took two hours. As Asif walked towards the exit, he located the waiting ambulance. Before booking the flight he had already booked an appointment at the Tata Memorial Cancer Hospital. Sunaina looked aghast at the turn of events. Within two hours of landing at Mumbai airport, she was admitted in the Tata Memorial Cancer Hospital.

After a detailed examination and over a dozen tests which took two days, the doctors informed Asif that Sunaina’s cancer had already gone past the stage of remission. At best she had only one weeks’ time. This afternoon when Asif entered Sunaina’s room, he could not control his tears. He looked aged. The hospital environment and the flurry of doctors had already made Sunaina understand her condition. A distraught Asif sat beside her. Sunaina took Asif’s hand in her hand. She could barely speak. When Asif looked at her, she asked him ‘why did you marry me’.

Asif returned to Kanpur within a week of his going to Mumbai. The loss of Sunaina was too hard for Mrs Ghosh. The house looked desolate. Asif kept himself locked in his room. Of and on someone would drop in on a condolence visit, which was again a painful moment for the grieving Asif and Mrs Ghosh. Life again lost its reason for Asif.

The next six months passed so slowly for Asif that it seemed almost a decade. Asif tried to spend as much time in the hospital as possible. He started his research laboratory in the hospital working on molecular mechanisms leading to oncogenic transformation. It was a Friday when Asif didn’t find Mrs Ghosh during the breakfast. He decided to visit her room. Mrs Ghosh was already cold. From his medical training, Asif could understand it was more than 4-5 hours that she was dead. Asif was left alone to live with Sunaina’s memories.

Two years had passed since the tragic death of Sunaina. Asif was doing well in research. His latest research paper in the Journal of Clinical Oncology was being considered as a landmark finding. All his energies were focused on research. It was Monday and Asif had come back from laboratory very late. Before sleeping he checked his email. There was an invitation from the World Congress of Medicine inviting Dr Asif to present his findings on cancer in the meeting to be held in Rome, Italy the next month.

The University of Roma Tre at Tor Vergata was quite far from downtown Rome. The conference was being organized in the main hall or The Sala Principale. The opening session saw participants from all parts of the world. There were only a few delegates from India. After the opening session chaired by the Rector of the University of Roma Tre, the session broke for refreshments. Asif roamed the hall but found no one to whom he could talk. Suddenly his eyes found a face which made him stop. Walking towards him was Zeba. A good six years had passed since he last saw her. Time seemed to have had a very little effect on Zeba. She looked almost the same. Asif looked towards Zeba and realized she had already seen him and was purposely walking towards him. Zeba extended her hand and reluctantly Asif shook it. Asif felt a bit awkward but Zeba was more forthcoming. She found a quiet spot in a corner and asked Asif to accompany her there.

After a few ginger moments, things became normal. Asif enquired about Sidharth. Zeba’s expression became sad. She informed that within six months after they had come to Italy, Sidharth had died in a road accident. Asif became emotional while he talked about Sunaina. Zeba put a hand on Asif’s shoulder to console him. They had lunch together and that evening both Asif and Zeba sat together during the gala dinner.

Zeba knew Rome well and suggested to Asif that the next day they meet at the Caffe Conti at Piazza Spagna. That night Asif’s thoughts revolved around Zeba. He remembered the five years spent in the Medical College when they had lived life as lovebirds. Was it an omen that they had met in Rome? He realized he was looking forward to meeting her next day.

Zeba couldn’t believe that she would meet Asif again and that too in an alien setting. After Sidharth’s death she had become lonely. On numerous occasions she thought she did not do the right thing to break from Asif. She remembered the long hours she and Asif would spend just walking in those chilly December nights. Her mind drifted to her first kiss. She felt she was counting hours when she was expected to meet Asif the next day.

Piazza Spagna was full of tourists that Saturday afternoon. Many tourists were throwing coins in the Fontana de Trevi and making fervent wishes. Zeba too threw a coin thinking of Asif. Last night she had slept very less, by the time she had dozed off she was already convinced that meeting Asif in Rome was an act of God. In between her remorse, her mind did remind her that it was she who had ditched Asif when he least expected. Zeba’s mind thought of something. She decided to send a whatsapp message to Asif saying she was extremely sorry for her conduct six years back.

Asif woke up the next day with a heavy headache. Last night he dreamt of Sunaina. The dream revolved around Sunaina’s last moments. She was asking him ‘why did you marry me’. As much as he thought of Zeba, he was reminded of Sunaina. Asif started hallucinating. In the empty room he heard the sound of Sunaina asking him ‘why did you marry me’. Asif called Air India and booked his flight back to India that afternoon. He packed his bag and called the radiotaxi for the airport.

Zeba took her seat at the Caffe Conti and waited. She ordered a coffee and looked at her watch. It was just around 3 pm. She typed the sorry message which she had prepared last night and pressed the send button. She wanted to say sorry to Asif just before he came to meet her. Asif had already put his phone in flight mode. The air hostess was explaining the oxygen mask drill. The flight was airborne within five minutes.