The Withering Flower

"And now for the moment we all had been waiting for, so eagerly!"

As the host uttered this statement, there was a sudden spike in the heartbeats of all those around. A few faces laced with fear and hope at the same time, the others with worry and a lot with sheer anticipation. Amongst those faces, sat a blank face, devoid of any perceivable emotions. As though an eerie song of utterly ghoulish silence amongst cacophonies of human emotions. Yes, he was human, but these were the moments when he wished he had not been human, capable of feelings, capable of any perceptions.

"The Businessman of the Year is the very dashing and dynamic, dear Mr. Advait Mehra. Third time this year AM. Well done!", the happiness oozing out of the host's words was a stark contrast to the winner's expressions. It was as though he had been caught up in a solemn trance, hurled deep down a spiral of all that is unknown, undiscovered and trapped in those dungeons.

The name was announced, yet Advait showed no signs of getting up or even acknowledging his win. Someone shook him.

As though the trance was now broken, as though he had been just jerked out of a deep sleep, Advait was startled.

"Huh!", he could react with just a syllable.

"AM man, go, get your award, where are you lost?"

'Award, which one? Oh right, this award show.', he thought within his mind, finally able to grasp his surroundings, finally able to understand.

"Yeah, right away.", he replied with a forced smile. Yes, it did fool all those around. Who would not be captivated by Advait's dazzling smile? Seemingly like a thousand tender sun rays in the winter morning, but today, the sun was eclipsed. A shadow had been cast upon it, an ominous shadow which no one seemed to grab a hold of, which no one seemed to be capable of perceiving.

Advait took steady, almost calculated steps up to the stage, each step weighing down on his heart, reminding him of a void within. If someone actually had understood AM even once in his lifetime, they would have made out a thirty-five-year-old young man to be walking like a sixty-year-old. Here, no one had the patience nor the care nor the depth to even glance into Advait's uncannily cold eyes.

It was like a tiny whirlpool near a tiny rock in a cascading river. Unnoticeable.

A thundering applause erupted as Advait took the trophy. Cheers of congratulations and the great AM striking a hat trick echoed within the auditorium.

Advait's cold gaze wavered over the crowd. He could see them all, happy faces, radiant faces, ecstatic, sad, defeated, still hopeful, energetic, all of those faces cheering his victory, some very willingly, a very few, almost forcefully. Yet, he could not find that face in this crowd which always made his heart soar with pride, love and all that is pure and pious. That face which reflected all the emotions whirling through his own heart, a reflection of his soul. He could not find that face. He tried yet again, for some miracle, in which he would close his eyes and when he would open them, he would be able to see that face.

Though, he knew better than to expect a fairy tale in this real life of his, he could not deny his heart that tiny bit of hope. He did not wish to deny his parched soul that distant glimpse of mirage.

"Thank you.", two simple words, as always. The dynamic AM had never uttered more than a grateful 'Thank you' while accepting any award, the audience knew that. Yet, had anyone ever connected with Advait, heart to heart, they would have easily made out the dry acknowledgement of this year in a stark contrast to the beaming two words of the earlier years. But, no one knew, no one cared and today, neither did Advait care.

The award ceremony was wrapped up. Now came the part which Advait had no idea of facing this year. That part which he looked forward to in the earlier years - connecting with fellow leaders, he dreaded this bit today. Almost wishing to vanish from the face of the Earth, far away from all, near his precious heart beat, where she was.

Advait shook his head, no, he needed to get through this. Yes, he could, he would, for her, just for her.

"Congrats man AM. Hat trick huh. Young blood, swift success. Be careful.", congratulated the old and seasoned Mr. Juneja. Advait could very clearly hear the snide undertone in his wishes. The earlier Advait would have countered his remarks with an equally snide yet polite comment, but he simply did not care this year. He just wanted to get away, no, he needed to get away. Fade away. Far away from them all, far away from here.

"So Mr. AM, where's the wife ha? Did not accompany this year?", asked another fellow leader, Mr. Desai. He had always been envious of Advait’s success and would always feel the intense need to point out to any flaw - visible or even fabricated. The earlier Advait would have ignored him completely, but today, his words struck a chord within. A raw, pulsating, heavily bleeding chord. Advait's face clouded with many unknown emotions, his first true emotions of the evening, yes, they were dark, but they were pure, unadulterated and strong. It was not that the business world did not know of his wife being unwell, at least this was the story fed to them, but the conniving Mr. Desai could only stoop even lower, intending to prod the wound further. And yes, he succeeded. He managed to unsettle the already barely put-together Advait.

Advait gazed at him, a firm stare, unmoving, unwavering, scaring Mr. Desai, though he still pretended to be unfazed.

"Recovering.", was the only word he could utter. The others nodded awkwardly.

"I would like to be excused.", Advait said with a hard voice which choked near the end, just like his throat, which chocked with a huge lump of emotions, waiting to be freed, to be released, yet again.

He walked away, steady steps as always, yet a rhythm in them which implied his sole desire of escaping from that place of contrasting emotions, faces trapped within the confines of public image. He was on his way now, way to her, her presence, her scent, her being, her existence.

He stepped out of the auditorium and entered his car. Without waiting for his bodyguards, he lit the ignition and drove out of that area, from the suffocation of all that he was not today.

Oh, how he missed those passed moments, when he would take his beloved Sameera's hand within his, entwine their fingers and walk away hands in hands with her, a proud smile lacing their faces. How he missed her voice when she would scream the loudest congratulations in his ears and when he graced the stage with his presence. How he missed her scent when she would engulf him within her arms after he would bring the trophy to her. How he missed her smile, the one which lit up his entire soul, like a million fireflies lighting up the night skies.

Just as he began driving on the highway, he opened the windows. The fresh and cold night air entered his vehicle and immediately replaced the stale AC air. How he wished for some miracle to replace the stale air in his life now. The lump formed within his throat now started flowing freely through his eyes. He teared up, he cried, he sobbed, bitterly. He uttered a few words for hope, he complained about the injustice, he screamed with pure anger, he wailed with raw agony. Yet, that was all he could do, that was all he had in his hands now.

He was on his way to the nursing home where Sameera was. How he wished to once again put together the petals of his withering flower, which was once the most vibrant flower in the bouquet of their life, his gorgeous wife, his Sameera. Now, he could only wish for her to at least take a notice his presence and acknowledge it.

When he reached, he brushed away his tears, wiped his face with his handkerchief and plastered a smile on his face for her. His Sameera would immediately make out the smile to be a fake one, he knew that for sure, but that would be possible only if she could…

'No, I must only think of all that is positive, hopeful and beautiful.'

With a small pep talk, Advait entered Sameera's room with the trophy in his hand and a huge smile on his face.

"My precious, I won again.", he greeted his wife who had been gazing out of the window into unknowingness.

She was startled by his voice. She glanced at him deeply, her gaze unwavering. Meanwhile, his heart was pounding loudly, he could even feel those beats of trepidation in his ears.

She smiled at him, he was about to sigh in relief when she uttered, " Excuse me, but do I know you?"

Those polite words uttered with a genuine smile broke his already broken heart into a thousand more fragments. A sob bubbled at the back of his throat. How foolish had he been, he had allowed his battered heart to hope, his shattered soul to wish for a miracle, while he should have faced her with an acceptance of reality. Their entire life whirled through his mind like a reel, college friendship, early dating, blissful years of being married, their stupid fights, serious arguments, silly distances, happy giggles and radiating laughter - all of that.

"Hi, I won this award today and wanted to share with someone.", were the words which came out. He would feel the air knocked out of his lungs when he uttered the word someone for that person who was his everything.

"Oh, congratulations", Sameera said with a grin and looked at the trophy.

He waited for at least some recognition to cloud her features, to drive away that unknowing gaze of hers, yet, she only kept smiling.

Just like how a stranger would smile at him, just like how a fellow human being would smile for someone's happiness.

Oh, how he wished to shake her arms, to take her within his arms, to scream, to shout for her to recognize him. Yet, he knew, it was all in vain.

He still remembered their dishevelled selves when Sameera had been diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer six months back. They had been married for just four years then and they could see their world collapsing with this diagnosis.

As much as Sameera had assured him, as much as he had assured Sameera and as much as the doctors has assured them, all knew the dreadful truth within.

Sameera's situation worsened just within two months where she could then barely recognize Advait, and now, she simply existed. She simply lived, only for those moments, no remembrance, no memories, no thoughts of foreseeable future, and Advait.

He could only stand as a by-stander in their life watching the sands of Sameera's life slip away without any stop, watching his withering flower wilting away into unknowingness. That was all what was left now. That was all what played now – an eerie song of unknowingness.