The Con man and the Killer

I am a true believer in everything that happens for a reason and I know that the things that have happened to me were so that I could write about them to help others out.

This weekend I watched the new Netflix movie about Ted Bundy with Zac Effron, it was from his girlfriend's point of view.

How she felt being in love with a man who was a monster and yet she didn't see the signs and didn't want to acknowledge the red flags because she was so in love with what she thought was this wonderful man.

I feel for her as I know what it's like to be taken in by a con artist. When you are at a low point, when you are vulnerable, when your self esteem is so low, you can fall victim to men like these. I was obviously lucky that the man I dated wasn't a killer but who knows? What does it take for a person to snap? I was just lucky that I listened to God's voice, that I got the signs I needed to run before I got in too deep.

When I found out how many women, this con artist had taken in, I was shocked. These women were strong, beautiful, intelligent women who also got caught in a web of lies and there were so many of them. It was unbelievable just like in the Ted Bundy cases, where many, many women fell for his stories, for his charm, for his lies and that cost them their lives.

I came to realize that there were so many victims of a man who has no scruples and obviously no heart, just like Ted. I can tell you that the lies one man can tell, can hurt so many people and have such a ripple effect on others. How does "A man" do this and still be able to look himself in the mirror each and every day is beyond me.

I remember thinking this when he gave me  "a gift"  a cross, something that has such symbolism to a person, and he said he had it blessed by his Priest. Come to find out that he bought it as a gift to another woman and then ripped it off her neck in a fit of rage and had the nerve to wrap it up and present it to me with the same story?

Then as he got caught in his lies, as I threw him out in the middle of the night, on his way out the door, he stole back his "gift" and I came to find out he gave it back to the first person he originally got it for, with an apology?

Yes, you did not read this wrong, people I can not make this shit up!

It is incomprehensibly, you are shaking your heads just as I was. Who does this kind of thing? Sociopaths do, men like this con artist and men like Ted Bundy. They tell you what you need to hear, want to hear, crave to hear and then they use it to lure you in. To make you trust them, fall in love with them until they are off to their next victim.

It blows my mind how intelligent, self supporting women, like me and many others can fall prey to men like this...but it seems like there is a pattern, a method to their madness.

 Most of these women were just coming out of a horrible relationship, they had low self esteem, they wanted to be wooed, they needed someone to say all the things they have been longing to hear. 

Yes, these types of con men know your weak spots and play right into them. They make you think that they can't live without you and that the world revolves around you until your head is spinning and BAM!! they got you.

It is only then that you start to see the red flags and then you choose to ignore them because at this point you are so in love, you no longer can see straight. 

But I'm here to tell you that yes, there are signs, there are nagging feelings you can't get rid of, there are things that don't add up but you again choose to make excuses for them and for him.

Ted Bundy's girlfriend says the same thing, she has a feeling but she loved him, she couldn't imagine a life without him so she kept believing his lies.

When you get to this point one of two things happens, you either run through the red flags while they are slapping you in the face and pretend they are not there or you realize that all of these nagging signs are real and you dig deeper to find out the truth knowing that staying in this relationship it will only get worse. Ted's girlfriend digged deeper and was actually the one to turn him in to the police, she knew that the lies didn't add up, she was brave. 

I am not a better woman because I ran away at the first sign of his sickness. No, I was just at a different place in my life, I knew what I had just came out of and I knew that I would never go back again.I knew that I would never let a man treat me like less than again! I was determined to have learned my lesson the first time and not repeat the same mistakes twice. I also had my girls, that I love more than life, to think of. They saw 16 years of a man treating me like crap, what did I teach them? And now that I was out what did I want to teach them from this?

So no, I was not a better woman, I was just in a better place to walk away.

You need to know your worth and you need to take a stand and not allow someone to treat you less than. 

Even if that means you will be alone, it's okay. Please, please listen to the warning signs, they are always there.

I am so blessed that this has happened to me and have written that before, why you ask? What could you possibly be grateful for meeting and being taken in by a con man? Well, I have met two wonderful women, that he also conned. I have now become more than ever, a loud voice for injustice. I will continue to speak out and help pull up women from their self depreciation, to constantly tell them they are worthy and that they can do anything they set their minds to. These are the lessons I've learned from this.

So today my friends, I am here to say that I will not stop until we all hear, see and feel the warning signs and are able to run away on our own. Until then I will be here to help you and even carry you, if I have to, to be the best you can be.