Abstract2 mins 721 2 mins 721
I asked him, "Are you with me or are you within me?". He never replied, so I answered and thought it was him. I calmed myself pretending that it's really him but there are others inside me. I don't call them demons but they are not angels as well. They are there when I wish to be filled. I can count on them even when he doesn't show up. We talk about strange things but that's okay, the reality is stranger.
Sometimes when I'm saturated, when I fail at finding a vessel for what's inside me, when I beg him for strength, I hear their voices. They go on and on. It's enchanting in the beginning, like a drug but then it gets uglier, they just don't shut up. They become a part of everything I do, eating me up just as a lion gulps his prey. That's when I doubt their true nature. I hit a low, I know my cries are audible to them, but they seem least worried. Helpless, I beg them, I beg all the time but I can't get control. They howl, making me moan even louder.
My sanity just washes away and suddenly it's all blank. Creepy little creatures. They hide away when the world is watching, calling me weak, pitying me. However hard I try to explain them, I end up in vain. The world doesn't know me nor does it know my struggles but I know that he does. I know he believes in me. He can see my pain, he can tell that I have been strong but he never tells that to me in person. My hope is my convoy, I know he exists. I only doubt him because he is present in forms I cannot fathom.
We have a sky full of stars but we admire only the moon. We don't fantasize about the gargantuan celestials up above just because we don't see them nearer. Our belief never changes their existence. Such is my relationship with him. We don't see each other, my transience compels my curiosity to doubt him. I will probably never meet him but I know he is rooting for me. That is keeping me going!