Sorry I Had To Go

In the lonely streets of my city there is a house down the lane, the last to be specific. I live there. I am also lonely just like those streets but the only difference between me and those streets is they have no one that is the reason why they feel lonely. I have my family but yet I feel lonely because no one understands me. I am a rich, sad, lonely, clandestine, and ugly old 60 year old lady. A wise person said money can never buy happiness, yes! it can’t. I am rich, I have all that money everyone wishes for, I have a daughter, a grandson, a sweet, responsible, vulnerable, honest son in law, I am best friends with my sister in law but yet. I FEEL LONELY. The reason for that is at the end of the day when I sit down on my bed alone with the lights off but with just a night lamp on beside my bed with a novel to read, I have no one but myself at night facing myself and thinking god I have everything but yet why am I sad? NO ANSWER.

But yes when I tied that knot up to the ceiling I remembered how at the age of 22 I had my daughter Loraine, how I got married to the most beautiful man August, how everything was so perfect even after we found out our daughter has epilepsy. We were just as perfect as before. I still remember how my daughter completed her studies and fulfilled her dream of becoming a professor. I still remember the very day when she got married to Brian my son in law she was so happy in that red saree looking all beautiful with all that jewelry, makeup, and that sweet smile of hers it's still the most beautiful thing anyone can ever look at, I still remember how my son in law came to me and my husband to ask for to have our daughter for the rest of his live and take all of her responsibilities and keep her happy, I do still remember those day.

I also remember the day I got married. I was all looking gorgeous in my saree. I was happy, excited and nervous but I was not scared like most other wives because I knew August long before I married him. He was my senior in college. He was pursuing a major in commerce and I was pursuing my major in political science. I used to be the diva of my time, August tried so hard to get me as he eventually did have me as his wife but he had to put in the effort for 2 years before I even became his girlfriend.But after all this year when I was finally about to enjoy life with August, he was diagnosed with Bubonic plague. It is a rare but serious bacterial infection transmitted by fleas. He slowly started to fall ill day by day his condition got worse but when one day when he got a little bit better and we finally had thought he is going to better, and have fun enjoy the rest of his life with us that night he told me “Monica, I love you if I don’t wake up tomorrow just remember two things. One I am always going to be here and two you know I don’t like it when you cry so please smile as always as you do, Okay?” Those were the last words he said to me before he took his last breath that night.

Maybe he knew he was gonna die that's why maybe he said all those but I kept his promise. I have been smiling for the past 15 years. When today I am getting all the reminiscence of these happy moments I feel complete ecstasy yes, Tears are falling down my cheeks yes but these are happy tears. Today I am finally going to see my husband again and live with him forever from now on. I guess now our time comes to enjoy and leave everyone on their own. To my grandson Putput to my daughter lorry and my son in law Ann always keep smiling and know I am just here maybe not physically but spiritually. You know nobody knew about my illicit affair with loneliness. Today I am breaking up with him because now comes the time where I put the garland of freedom on my neck, jump from the mountain of loneliness and land in the world of stars where my husband has been waiting for me for the past 15 years. Don’t worry I am still going to watch all over you from right above. I know after my farewell you all will be heartbroken and unhappy, but I can’t help it my time is here and now it's time for me to leave after all of this i only have one thing left to say to all of you I LOVE YOU ALL EQUALLY AND REMEMBER I AM ALWAYS GONNA BE HERE WITH YOU so yes at the end this day would’ve come but still. I am deeply Sorry But I had to go.