Sorry I am only human

Sorry, I am just human

I write a lot about my life, and yes, I am brutally honest about it. Here's the thing: I am far from perfect, and I am human. I get mad, I lash out when I am hurt, I write from my heart, and sometimes I hurt the people I love. 

Again, how many of us can admit to doing this? But how many of you would write about it, to the world? 

I know that I have done shitty things, but again, I am not perfect. As much as I try to be better, sometimes we all slip down that slope.

Yes, I am also a Christian, but I do not follow all the rules a "good Christian" may? Again, the answer is no. I curse, I go out and drink, I do not always do the "right" thing or try to pretend I am a Godly as so many Christian do.

Do I use Bible verses? Yes, but not because I am trying to sound more "Godly" but because they speak to me, and they have helped me along the way. One of my favorites is: "He who has no sin, cast the first stone," 

You know what? Not one of us can do that; we all have sinned differently but still have sinned nonetheless. 

I also talked about my addiction, and yes, I have been clean for years, but I do drink, and I smoke occasionally, but these were never my drug of choice that made me hit rock bottom. I was never an alcoholic; that was not my issue, so if I speak of having a beer or a glass of wine once a week, that does not constitute me lying about my addiction. If I had admitted to being an alcoholic and then said I was drinking occasionally, then I would certainly be lying about being clean.

I have never intentionally hurt someone, and if I do, I am the first to raise my hand and apologize for my bad behavior. We all make mistakes, and all have said things in anger because we are all human. I have learned to forgive others as I hope they will forgive me. I look at the whole person, the good and bad, and then I weigh if the good outweighs the bad and learn to love them with all their faults. I hope others will do that for me as well.

I write in nauseum about my abusive marriage not because I want sympathy or that I am a victim, it's because I know how it feels to feel isolated, to be afraid and have fear keep me stuck in a bad situation and I want others to know they are not alone. I want others to see that there is a way out, light at the end of the tunnel, that if I can do it, so can you. 

I stayed and allowed things I would have never allowed because I was beaten down and afraid. I felt I had no choice, but until you walk in someone else's shoes, you have no idea why they do what they do. I never would assume to know the decisions others make, and again, because I am not God or even a Godly person, I would never pass judgment as I have done some incredibly shitty things as well.

I am a person, a woman who is trying to go through life, trying her best like so many of you out there. Will I ever get it all, right? 

I doubt it, but I will always try to do better and learn the lessons from it to become a better person. 

So today, my friends remember we are all human, we all screw up, we say things we would love to take back, and we are all just trying to do the best we can. So when someone screws up, ask yourself, are you willing to throw away a lifetime of friendship because they have slipped and fell a few times? Or will you see that we all have issues? We all have faults, and we all make mistakes because we are all human.

"Be the change you want to see."

@Treadmilltreats