Scholarship

Fahim got a recommendation letter from his professor. He wants to apply for scholarship as he is staring his PhD. Each time he applied during his degree and master he got refused. So far, he never received any full scholarship. This time he had high hope to receive scholarship. He uploaded his publications with email and recommendation letter from his professor.

This time also Fahim got refused, but he decided to reply the email

‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’

No worries, dear Prof....We are just trying our best from our side since this is the responsibility as a Muslim to give the best effort. In fact, God does not need us but we are the ones who need him.

I pray for your good health and for your family too. Due to partial assistance from various organizations, I was able to complete 2 degrees. My parents helped, and I also worked hard throughout these years. Education is expensive and it is collective work. Without the help from society, it is impossible to create an educated nation. Student must have determination and attempt to keep on struggling in the field of knowledge. I did not see my parents for just 9 years. I worked hard not because of myself rather I put the highest effort because my favorite leaders were unjustly killed and tortured and still imprisoned by the unjust corrupted leaders. I read one leader’s diary and keep in mind that no matter what situation we are we have to be patient and cannot be reluctant fundamentalist as he experienced during his time. I read one thesis where it is stated that this is the age to fight with pen and paper. I would do that from my level best till my last breath.

I graduated my degree in English literature and in final year I had to read American literature and for the first time I realized the crisis in western literature is God is dead (Nietzsche articulated in his 2 books).

American literature in mid-20th century contains dark humor where you laugh and suddenly you start crying. This is like a baby is laughing when she was informed that her mother has been hidden from her and she laughed and suddenly start crying knowing that her mother is dead and never ever would return to her. I love American literature due to its bold truth voice. Ernest Hemingway is one of them.

"I turned to speak to God About the world's despair But to make bad matters worse I found God wasn't there. God turned to speak to me (Don't anybody laugh) God found I wasn't there At least not over half.“ — Robert Frost

I have read so many pessimistic writings that time especially Nathaniel Hawthorne" A young goodman Brwon" is really shocking for me since the small piece of writing was against puritan belief in America. The Scarlet Letter he wrote later but Poe praised the short story.

I was highly interested to read western philosophy, history and to understand what’s is going on in current literature. I changed my department for my master from English literature to Theology. I spent last 3 years reading books on (literature, philosophy and all major scriptures) that I loved since my thesis title allowed me to do so. I wanted to join the assigned institution for my PHD but I felt I have still lacked in knowledge because studying there to me is very sacred task. I know many of them got your scholarship and they went there only to receive that opportunity. But I felt necessary to educate myself by taking some subjects here since I have option here to take mix mood. I have still so many lacking in understanding. I am trying my best to read as much as possible while producing some journal articles since that would the most effective way to learning. This is my duty as a student.

Just for your information, I have experience working 12 hours 6-6:00 pm washing 2000 people plates when I started my journey for education and attending class in day for 1 year when I was new since I had no language competency. Later I worked as waiter at restaurant for 7 years like Friday, Saturday and Sunday to support myself. Also, during my sem break I used to work few weeks without any break and they know me very well . I did not waste my time as a student and tried my best to stick to education from my side. I applied so many times to different organizations for partial funding for my education. I got acceptance so many times and I got rejected also so many times where interviewer seemed angry asking like harshly being fed up " I think you should go back to your country since you do not have money”. There were moments I was insulted up to the point when I felt like even dogs are treated in much better way and a cleaner has more better life than a student like I am. Obviously students with full of scholarship and aristocrat families they never reached up to this point. Racism touches only middle- and lower-class members in society whereas it does not touch to upper class of society. They do not care actually because money can not let them understand the problems lower classes are facing. I even thought of God must be punished before he started to establish justice on the day of judgement if any kind of God exists. I told my mother once " if you can not afford my education cost, you should not have taken child" and I said lots of things. Then, she replied " then you do not believe in fate". I went so far saying if God can not take care his servants why he wasted his time by creating us even he does not let me understand and educate me to understand him when I do not understand him at all. I just want to understand what’s going on with God in modern context. I politely ended the debate with my mom by saying" sorry this is just coming to my mind as I was experiencing some stuffs along the way". I do not bother anyone as long as I can read and write actually. I have recently finished reading Ulysses by James Joyce. I will give my highest effort to understand the universe and God. I wish to explore all field of knowledge and I know time would not permit me to do that, but at least I can try my best.

I have little knowledge compared to others and I do not put myself among genius. I do not want success rather I just want to understand the universe and credibility of God and I feel university is the best place for that. I do not mind if you read or not. I do not need your scholarship also since my prof and me are trying our best from other sources. So, please do not worry dear Prof. This would be my last email I assume. May God reward you the highest position in heaven for helping students continually. One lady told me straight to my face not to contribute from her salary if he sees student like me. Hopefully you would not misunderstand me like her. Do support other students effortlessly. You are doing excellent service for humanity no doubt on that. Please do take care your health dear Prof.

Sincerely

Student

‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’

Fahim went out from university and he saw a man taking cigarette. He went near to him and requested him if he would give one cigarette to smoke. The man gave him cigarette and lighter.