Robbing Myself

Eighteen-year-old Lakshmi was extremely pleased with the way things were shaping up in her life. She belonged to the Baduga tribal community in the Nilgiri Hills. The Tamil Nadu government took care of the tribes, providing them with the basic requirements for their welfare, so Lakshmi never had to worry about working extra hours to make money for her mother and herself.

A pretty, dainty young lady who had never seen a world outside her small village, Lakshmi had an air of fresh innocence about her. She was an excellent dancer and easily won a few of the local dance competitions. She liked to keep to herself and didn’t have many friends in the local municipal college she attended. Hidden behind a dense thicket of trees, with green and black-striped walls, the college got easily camouflaged in its surroundings.

Lakshmi’s life was restricted to her home, school, and household chores. She never dreamt of the possibility that she would ever get to step outside the boundaries of her village.

That is until one day at college changed everything for her.

It started as a typical morning, with Lakshmi struggling through a particularly difficult math problem when a sudden announcement by the principal interrupted her train of thought. His voice was gruff, but his words rang clearly in her ears. He spoke in Tamil, their regional language.

“The Smithsonian Institution of Washington D.C. has set up a special scholarship program in New York, to promote tribal art all over the world. It will be an eight-month-long training. But…” The principal’s voice deepened,”…in order for a person to earn the scholarship, he or she should belong to an economically backward tribe from Asia and must have some prove talent. Those who are interested in participating may feel free to apply for the scholarship. Thank you.”

Lakshmi felt goosebumps erupt all over her skin and her fingers went numb with excitement. Even though she was unsure and had little hope of winning the scholarship, she ran to the tiny office room at the end of the corridor to register her name.

All applications from her village were forwarded by the college to the Tamil Nadu Welfare Board. From there, it was received by the Indian Council for Cultural Relations (ICCR). They, in turn, scrutinized the applications and forwarded them to the Smithsonian Institution. If only Lakshmi were there, she would have been ecstatic to know that her application was liked and shortlisted. They instantly wrote back to her colleagues about the shortlist.

The principal congratulated her and told her that she was now due for an interview with the Smithsonian Institution in Chennai.

“But I don’t have a passport!” Lakshmi cried in dismay, while she sat in the Dean’s office,” How will I get one with such little time left for the interview?”

The Principal smiled and patted her shoulder reassuringly.

“You don’t have to worry about that,” he said,” The Tribal Welfare Board will take care of you. You don’t need a passport to go to Chennai anyway.”

Some of the tension in Lakshmi’s shoulders eased a little, but she was still extremely nervous about the prospect of an interview. She knew she had to speak in English in front of the interviewer, but that would be difficult when the language made little sense to her. Her grammar was subpar and she often spoke in broken sentences.

“Your English isn’t that bad,” reassured her mother when Lakshmi came home that day and voiced her worries.

“How do you know, Amma? You don’t even speak the language!”

“I’ve heard you talk to your teachers in college. They understand you.”

Despite her mother’s reassurances, Lakshmi was a nervous wreck by the time she flew all the way to Chennai and took her seat before the interviewer.

The interviewer was an imposing man. He had a long mustache that drooped down like a cycle handle, and a seemingly menacing pair of eyes, which studied her closely. Her gaze fell on the wooden table between them, where he’d scrawled a few indistinguishable words in English.

He began by asking her a few questions which she could answer easily.

“So, tell me, Lakshmi,” he said in a voice that made her jittery,” How do you think it will feel in a huge city, outside your tiny village, state and country?”

“I think it will be very different, sir. There will be many cars, and beautiful roads,” Lakshmi replied.

She paused, gathered her thoughts, and continued.

“There will also be many flyovers and bridges. And of course, sky…” she broke off, frowned, and tried to remember what she was about to say.

“It’s all right,” said the interviewer, rather kindly,” Take your time.”

She flashed him a grateful smile, before the word she’d been searching for popped up in her mind.

“Skyscrapers,” she finished,” There will be many skyscrapers.”

The interviewer nodded, seeming satisfied with her answer, and continued asking her more questions. He judged Lakshmi’s spoken English very carefully. It wasn’t perfect, but for a tribal girl, it was pretty good.

Lakshmi, meanwhile, was forming her own opinion of him and realizing for the first time that appearances could be deceiving. The interviewer initially seemed like a person who was immune to laughter and jokes, but he was quick to encourage her every time she faltered and gave her his undivided attention throughout the interview.

Finally, he knitted his eyebrows together and glanced down at the sheet of paper before him.

“Well,” he said, looking back up at her,” That brings us to the end of this interview. Thank you for your patience and time. The outcome of your interview will reach you soon.”

Lakshmi stood up and shook his hand, a gesture that was felt foreign to her. In her village, people usually folded their hands together or gave each other hugs. Nobody shook hands in her tribe.

“You may leave,” said the interviewer, gesturing towards the door.

Lakshmi realized she’s been holding his hand for too long. Color rushed to her cheeks and she quickly pulled her hand away.

“Thank you,” she muttered, embarrassed, before turning the knob and stepping outside into the warm afternoon sunshine.

She breathed a sigh of relief as she walked away from the interview room. Although she wasn’t sure if she’d passed or failed the test of her language skills, she was just glad it was over.

She returned to her village the day after, where she told her mother everything that happened.

“It was so strange!” she exclaimed,” He just made me sit there and answer his questions.”

Her mother laughed,” It’s exciting that you even got the opportunity to travel to Chennai. I’ve never been there. How is it?”

Lakshmi frowned,” Really hot.”

“I thought as much.”

The two of them were preparing dinner together. Lakshmi was boiling rice while her mother prepared the dhal.

“I think my adventures are over,” Lakshmi said, poking the rice with a spoon to see if it was cooked,” I mean, I went through an interview and explored a brand new city. What more can possibly happen?”

Her mother agreed with her. Neither of them was prepared for what happened next.

Lakshmi soon received a message that she had passed the interview and her VISA was under progress. On being told she had won the scholarship, Lakshmi felt like she was on an emotional rollercoaster, with the cart slowly climbing in disbelief, only to suddenly become pure excitement upon the descent. As soon as she received the news from her principal, she raced home on winged legs to tell her mother what had happened.

Her mother was plucking jasmine flowers from the backyard when Lakshmi arrived at home.

“Ma!” shouted Lakshmi, feeling on top of the world,” I got it!”

“Got what, kanna?” asked her mother, startled by the sudden interruption.

“The sco…sco…Scolar sip!” exclaimed Lakshmi in English, realizing she’d pronounced the word wrong but not caring.

“The what?”

Although Lakshmi tried to explain to her mother what a scholarship meant, she couldn’t fully understand the concept. But even though she didn’t understand the word itself, she knew it had something to do with her daughter’s dream of becoming a well-known dancer. Lakshmi explained to her that all her expenses, which included her flight fare, stay, food, and other necessities during her eight months trip, would be borne by the Institution.

It almost sounded too good to be true.

“Well done, my dear!” said her mother, engulfing Lakshmi in a giant hug,” This will change your life!”

The scholarship Lakshmi earned gave her a to and fro ticket to New York, not to mention an allowance of 2000 dollars, which was more than Lakshmi’s mother had earned her whole life. The Institution would also take care of accommodation at the girls’ hostel and food during her stay there.

Now all there was left to do was wait.

Lakshmi marked the date when she would be leaving for New York on her calendar, eager for the big day to arrive. She spent extra time dancing as the day grew closer, determined to perfect some of the steps before she left.

Lakshmi danced Barathanatayam, but with a heavily influenced tribal style. It wasn’t nearly as elegant and poised as regular Barathnatayam, but it contained energy and passion that was infectious. Often people in the village watching Lakshmi dance on stage wanted to get up and join her. Everyone was excited for her and the adventure she was about to embark on.

When the day finally arrived, Lakshmi couldn’t contain her excitement.

Her mother walked with her till the bus stop at the edge of their little village, unwilling to say goodbye to her only daughter.

“I can’t believe I’m actually going to New York!” said Lakshmi, bobbing up and down excitedly on her toes.

Her mother rested a hand on her daughter’s shoulder, smiling gently.

“Me neither,” she said,” and I won’t be there with you, so please keep the money safely. It’s worth a lot. And this is also the first time you are going to be handling so much money by yourself. You will be in trouble if you lose it. And…”

Before she could complete her sentence, Lakshmi interrupted her.

“Oh, Ma,” she said dramatically,” You think everyone outside of this village is cunning and looking to rob me at the earliest opportunity.”

Her mother tucked a wayward lock behind Lakshmi’s ear.

“Some of them are, Lakshmi. You are too trusting of this world,” she said softly,” too pure.”

Lakshmi realized her mother was actually worried and hastened to make her feel better.

“Of course I’ll be careful,” she said,” I promise.”

She was a responsible young lady, and her mother tried to tell herself that she could trust her, but somewhere deep down she was afraid. When the time came to say goodbye, Lakshmi threw her arms around her mother and kissed her cheek, surprised to find tears in her eyes.

Her mother didn’t want to end the hug either. She didn’t have the heart to break away from her daughter. Lakshmi was entering a whole new world without her mother by her side to support and protect her.

She pulled away at last and said,” Now, my girl. I’ll see you after the training program. Come on, eight months isn’t that long.”

Lakshmi knew her mother was trying to reassure her. But with the way she said it, sounded as if she was trying to reassure herself.

After their tearful goodbye, Lakshmi dragged her suitcase onto the bus. The sun beat down hard on her. She could already feel drops of sweat rolling down her back, and she wiped her forehead with the back of her hand.

The bus took off after half an hour, and Lakshmi sat with her head dangling outside the window, admiring the view outside. She watched the approaching airport building in awe. Suddenly, the roar of an engine above her head filled her ears, and she squinted her eyes upward to see the belly of a huge airplane that had just taken off. The shuttle of the people with their luggage in and out of the vast building excited her. Hopping off the bus, she gathered her two suitcases and trudged along the airport path.

She bit her lip nervously as she entered the building. The clear marble floor sparkled beneath their feet. How many times did they clean it every day, she wondered. There were long queues of people, announcements blaring from the loudspeakers, faces of happy and confused passengers rushing to catch their flight, people bidding goodbye, and families grabbing a quick bite to eat before they were due for boarding.

Lakshmi felt completely lost.

Where should she go now?

She spotted a tall foreign woman standing next to a weighing scale, looking into a tiny mirror and dabbing more powder to an already heavily made-up face. The strong smell of cheap perfume made Lakshmi cough and splutter as she approached her.

“Excuse me, Ma’am, could you tell me where I should go from here?” she asked the woman politely, showing the ticket to her.

The woman eyed Lakshmi with disgust.

“I don’t understand why people even bother coming to the airport if they don’t have a clue where to go,” she snarled.

Before Lakshmi could reply, the woman turned and stalked away towards the food court without saying another word.

Lakshmi stared after her, speechless. Oh, well, she thought ruefully, everybody has their bad days. Her gaze fell on the weighing scale the woman had been standing beside.

Maybe she put on some weight on her holiday to India, thought Lakshmi. That would explain her foul mood.

She had barely walked a few more steps when a tall, fair man brushed past her, speaking urgently into a cell-phone. Lakshmi’s eyes widened. Except for a few advertisements about cell phones she’d seen on her college’s common television, she’d never seen one of those in real life until now.

“Excuse me,” she said,” Which way to the…the check-in counter? Please?”

The man whipped around, a scowl firmly in place.

“Can’t you see I’m talking on the phone?” he snapped.

He too, walked away, muttering something unintelligible under his breath. Lakshmi was sure it was nothing complimentary.

She trembled. Why was everyone here so rude? Was it common to be snide to everyone you spoke to in the western world?

Just as she was beginning to regret traveling alone, the signboard ‘Check-In’ grabbed her attention. Relieved, she followed the signboard, grateful that she knew to read basic words in English. When it was finally her turn at the counter, she fumbled for words.

“Good evening mam,” said the girl at the counter,” Passport please.”

Lakshmi fumbled for her passport in her sling bag, before promptly dropping it. The people behind her were irritated at the delay. Blushing bright red, she picked up her bag again and pulled out her passport, handing it across the counter.

“Any check-in baggage?” asked the girl behind the counter.

Lakshmi looked confused again. The lady behind her nudged her and pointed at her suitcases. Lakshmi shook her head adamantly. She didn’t want to part with them, but the lady explained to her that she would not be allowed to carry such huge suitcases with her on the flight.

Her mother’s voice rang through her head, warning her to be careful of strangers.

“Can I trust them?” Lakshmi asked, gesturing to the airport staff.

The lady huffed in irritation,” Of course you can! Now, please put your suitcases on the belt and leave so the rest of us can check-in.”

Lakshmi heard whispers from the queue behind her. Reluctantly, she placed them on the luggage belt. It was a difficult task to carry such heavy suitcases, but nobody offered to help.

“Here’s your boarding pass,” said the check-in clerk, once she was done,” You may collect your luggage at your destination. Now attach these tags to your purse and cabin luggage. Have a safe flight.”

Lakshmi understood that she was dismissed. She went through the security check, apprehensive but determined. Finally, she sank into the nearest seat at the lounge, praying that she did not have to face any more hurdles. Just then, her flight was announced. She confirmed it with the elderly and kind-looking man sitting next to her.

She nearly ran to the exit door.

“Boarding pass, please,” said the man at the door, holding out a hand to prevent her from running right past him.

“Wh- what pass?” she said, flustered.

The man sighed, rolling his eyes. He grabbed the boarding pass the passenger behind her was holding and shook it under Lakshmi’s nose.

She understood. Digging into her purse, she yanked out the boarding pass. The man pulled it from her, ripped off a part of it, and placed it back firmly in her hand.

“Have a safe flight,” he muttered, but he didn’t sound like he meant it at all.

Lakshmi fled past him, flushed with embarrassment.

Boarding the aircraft, at last, Lakshmi beamed broadly at the cabin crew. One of them smiled back and guided her to her seat, before helping her place her bag in the overhead compartment.

Relieved to have made it here, at last, Lakshmi flopped into her seat and placed her head against the headrest. She tried to relax, but the air conditioning was too strong and the vent’s nozzle was pointing straight at her head. She felt like she would freeze, and tried to fiddle with it but failed.

Just then, an amused voice from behind her made her whirl around.

A pair of eyes, the color of warm honey, looked into hers. They belonged to a tall, lean man with dark curly hair and a chiseled face. The skin covering his cheekbones was smooth as if his facial hair hadn’t yet grown in.

“Hello,” he said, his face lit up with a smile.

He sounded friendly and comforting; not at all like all those rude people, she’d met today. She found herself tongue-tied and shy, unable to reply.

He stood before her patiently, waiting for her response, still smiling.

“Um,” she said finally,” Hello?”

She hadn’t meant for it to sound like a question, but it did. She waited for him to walk away like everyone else, but he didn’t.

He stood there firmly, looking at her.

“I see you are having trouble with the vent,” he said kindly,” Here, let me help.”

Before she could even say anything, he had reached up and shut the vent. The taut muscles in his upper arms flexed as he leaned back again.

Lakshmi smiled shyly, surprised she’d even noticed something as trivial as his muscles.

“Th..Thank you. You are the first person to help me,” she confessed, articulating each word slowly and carefully.

He grinned and performed a little curtsey in front of her. Something about a grown man doing that made Lakshmi giggle. As if he could read her thoughts, he flashed her smile, and then attempted to sit down in the aisle seat beside her.

She glanced up at him and didn’t say anything, but he understood her curiosity.

“I really do have a seat here,” he laughed, fishing out his boarding pass and pointing at the seat number.

“Oh,” she said, smiling warmly,” Sorry, this is my first time on a plane.”

“That’s alright,” he said, sliding his long legs under the seat before them,” Are you excited to be flying?”

“Very. What is it like?”

She spoke carefully, determined not to make a mistake with her English in front of him.

He grinned,” Not that great, to be honest. It’s a lot like sitting on the bus. Except you’re in the sky, not on the road.”

“That sounds very exciting to me.”

He frowned,” Now that I think about it, flying is pretty damn exciting. You’re sitting on a seat in the middle of the sky. I forget how cool it is because-“

“You are used to it,” finished Lakshmi,” yes?”

He nodded.

“So, what’s your name?” he asked,” I feel like I should have asked you that first.”

“Lakshmi,” she replied straight away,” Yours?”

“Harish Chand Jan.”

She laughed before she could stop herself. The name was just so ridiculous. It suddenly struck her that he might be offended, so she quickly checked herself, glancing at him worriedly.

But he was grinning as well.

“I know,” he said,” I don’t know what my parents were thinking.”

Soon, Lakshmi was rattling out everything to the stranger she had met barely a few minutes ago. She told him where she came from, about her college, her mother, the scholarship, and the flight overseas to New York. She even gripped his arm when the plane took off, scared of the possibility that it may crash down at any second.

“Can I ask you a question?” Lakshmi finally asked seriously.

“Of course,” said Harish.

“What’s that?”

“What’s what?”

“That.”

Lakshmi pointed a few rows ahead, where a curtain separated their economy compartment from business class.

“Oh,” said Harish,” When you said you wanted to ask me a question, I thought it was going to be something personal. Anyway, that’s the business class.”

“Is that for famous people?”

“Well, that’s one way to put it. Business-class is for people who can afford it, really. It’s more expensive than the economy because the seats and service are better.”

“Have you ever flown business class?”

“Me?” said Harish, grinning slightly,” No, I’m not that well-off. I’m an economy man.”

“Do you fly a lot?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“What do you do?” she asked curiously.

“You mean my work?”

“Yes.”

Lakshmi caught the slightest hint of a shadow passing over his face. His eyes darkened. It was only for a second, and then he was back to his usual cheery self. Lakshmi convinced herself that she was imagining things.

“I’m a businessman,” he said.

“What business do you do?” she asked curiously.

Harish’s mouth thinned into a line.

“The kind that makes quite a bit of money,” he said softly.

Lakshmi sensed that he was not comfortable talking about his work, so she stopped asking questions. An awkward silence fell between them, and she could feel her heart racing.

Finally, it was Harish who broke the quiet between them.

“So,” he said,” How old are you?”

“Nineteen. You?”

“Twenty-one.”

Lakshmi received this news with a surprised expression.

“Oh,” she said, leaning back in her seat.

“Oh?” Harish repeated, amused.

Lakshmi shrugged. Harish had come to realize that half of Lakshmi’s sentences were shrugs.

“What’s that mean?” he asked softly.

“Nothing,” she responded defensively, her cheeks flushing.

The truth was she had thought he was younger, maybe around her age. She refrained from saying that, though.

Harish was chuckling at her expression.

“What?” she said, confused.

“Nothing,” he mimicked her, before saying,” You’re cute when you’re embarrassed.”

The flirtatious tone he’d cultivated over so many years bled into those last five words, and Lakshmi felt the air between them grow warmer. Her heart rate kicked up again and she looked down at her lap, twisting her hands around nervously.

She could feel Harish watching her, waiting for some sort of coherent response.

“Thanks,” she muttered at last.

“For what?”

“For calling me cute,” she clarified, blushing deeper.

His laugh filled her ears, warm and comforting.

“You don’t need to thank me!” he said.

They fell back into easy conversation as the flight cruised along. Hours passed. For a long time, she had been waiting to ask him something but hadn’t found the courage to.

Finally, in an uncanny ability to guess her thoughts, Harish asked,” Are you comfortable?”

“Yes,” said Lakshmi,” But I have to use the…the toilet.”

She grimaced as she said it. She knew there was probably a better word for the toilet, but whatever it was, she’d never learned it.

Harish nodded patiently because he understood her predicament.

“This way,” he said, standing up.

Since the aircraft was comfortably at cruising height and refreshments had already been served, the cabin crew had dimmed the aisle lights to allow passengers to catch up on their lost sleep. Harish led Lakshmi down the darkened aisle. The green strips of light on the aisle floor highlighted his shoes, so Lakshmi could follow him.

A man sitting in one of the seats they passed glanced up at them in disgust.

“Young couples these days,” he muttered to his companion,” Don’t they know that’s not what the bathroom is for?”

Lakshmi was completely bewildered by this statement, but Harish laughed softly in front of her.

“What does he mean?” she asked him quietly, once they were out of the man’s earshot.

“It’s not important,” Harish answered, but she could almost hear the smile in his voice.

Harish halted before a small door and pointed to it.

“Here,” he whispered quietly, gesturing to the door, taking care not to disturb the sleeping passengers.

Before Lakshmi could take a step towards it, Harish stopped her. His hand brushed her stomach, eliciting unexpected shivers down her skin.

None of the boys in her village had been like him.

“What?” she whispered, trying to cover up the fact she was blushing again.

“How do you get out?” he asked her.

She opened her mouth, glanced at the extremely complicated door, and shut it again. She genuinely had no idea. How weird he must think she was! She didn’t even know how to open a toilet door.

Before he could embarrass her further, he made a few hand movements and said,” You open it like this.”

His warm eyes met hers, and she felt a surge of gratefulness towards him.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“No problem,” he said, and then leaned closer to her,” and between you and me, I got stuck in there once when I was a kid.”

She clapped a hand over her mouth,” Really?”

“Yeah. My mother had to alert the cabin crew to get me out of there. It was embarrassing. I even cried because I thought I’d be stuck in there forever.”

Lakshmi giggled softly.

“What are your parents like?” she asked.

His eyes darkened again.

“Were,” he said,” They passed away a while back.”

“Oh,” said Lakshmi, horrified,” I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault. Now,” he said, steering her around,” Do what you came here to do.”

“That sounds bad,” she giggled.

He pulled a face. “I know. I promise it sounded way better in my head.”

After Lakshmi disappeared into the bathroom, Harish returned to his seat. There was a little part of him, he knew, that was growing rather attached to Lakshmi. He’d initially passed her off as just a tribal girl, but she had surprised him, from her unexpected questions to her refreshing innocence. She didn’t deserve to have met him out of all the people on earth.

His eyes fell on Lakshmi’s handbag and he recalled how possessively she had clutched it throughout the flight. He couldn’t resist a small peek into her bag. As he did so, he noticed the bundle of notes lying at the bottom.

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. There were well over a thousand dollars in her bag.

He cursed himself and zipped the purse back up immediately, but the image of all that money continued to buzz in his head. With her scholarship and travel expenses already paid for, was that money really even important to her? She didn’t really need it, he thought.

Just as he was succumbing to his darker side he caught himself. This was ridiculous. He actually enjoyed this girl’s company, and he’d told her everything about himself, aside from the fact he was a thief. He would never tell her that, but a small part of him knew he shouldn’t steal from her.

But somehow, that didn’t stop his trained mind from whirring with ideas, and while Lakshmi was still in the restroom, he focused on different ways to steal the money. He knew taking the money during the flight journey would be risky. With the number of times Lakshmi checked her purse, he would surely be caught.

But what if…what if he stole the money just while Lakshmi exited the aircraft and they went their separate ways? He could probably get away with it.

Just then, Lakshmi returned.

Harish immediately snapped back to the present.

His eyes fell on Lakshmi; under the dim lights of the cabin, with her hair cascading delicately down her back and her eyes wide and kind, she was the most beautiful woman Harish had seen.

He cleared his throat. Then swallowed a few times.

“Hi,” he said gruffly.

“Hi,” she responded softly.

She took her seat beside him again.

“What were we talking about again?” he asked, desperate to push the image of her money out of his head.

“You got stuck in the bathroom,” she informed him helpfully.

He laughed,” Let’s not continue that conversation. Look at the white clouds outside. Aren’t they beautiful?”

Harish pointed outside the window, where the sky was rapidly lightening. Lakshmi glanced outside, but only after she had checked her purse once again.

They landed in the Hong Kong airport, where Harish bought Lakshmi a snack. She’d never even seen half the food items the airport offered before, so it was a relief when he offered to choose for her. After a four hour wait in the airport, they boarded their second flight and finally reached their destination.

New York City.

Lakshmi could hardly believe she’d made it here. As Harish led her into the airport, she couldn’t help but gasp with awe. It felt like she’d walked into a royal castle. The airport was huge, and the ceilings were so high! As she looked up at the exquisite chandeliers, her head reeled. There were paintings hung all over the walls and the air smelt fresh. Americans surrounded her.

She worked her way through immigration, baggage claims, and customs. Harish helped her along the way, selflessly wheeling both their suitcases till they finally got to the exit door and stepped outside into a whole new world.

The tall buildings were silhouetted against the bright sunny sky. People milled about outside the airport, dressed in unfamiliar but trendy clothes. Lakshmi wondered if spending a whole eight months here would make her dress like them by the end of it.

She turned to Harish, suddenly feeling shy again.

“I think…I think I can make it by myself now,” she said.

“Really?” A hurt look crossed Harish’s face. “Are you sure? I can wait for you until your taxi arrives. You do have a taxi coming, right?”

Lakshmi nodded, happy that she got to be around him for some more time.

They waited in silence for a few minutes. The air between them was thick with unresolved tension. How do you say goodbye to someone who was your only comp

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any over the last 24 hours? Lakshmi wondered. If she was being honest, she liked Harish more than she wanted to admit to herself. His honey-colored eyes and dazzling smile made her feel jittery and nervous like she had a thousand tiny butterflies flying around in her stomach.

“Where will you go now?” she asked him quietly.

”In New York City?” he joked,” there are so many possibilities.”

“Will I see you again?”

The question threw him off guard. It was astonishing how shy Lakshmi seemed most of the time, but then she asked these bold and honest questions which only made him like her more.

“I don’t know,” he answered softly.

Lakshmi nodded, swallowing visibly. Harish tried to maintain a neutral expression, but he was scared that the affection he felt for her was clear in his eyes. After everything they’d experienced, how could he even think of steal from her?

And yet he was. The image of her stash of money kept buzzing around in his head.

“Oh, there’s my vehicle, I think,” said Lakshmi, pointing to a blue taxi approaching them.

“Let me see you off,” Harish said, taking her suitcases.

“Oh, thank you very much. I’ll have trouble loading them into the truck anyway.”

“You mean taxi,” he said, grinning.

She grimaced, annoyed with herself for using the wrong noun in front of him.

“Yes. That,” she said.

Harish started to help her by lifting off their luggage from their respective trollies. Lakshmi stood to the side and watched him, grateful he was there to help her. She checked her suitcases once they were off the trolley and, as was her practice, she peered down into her purse. Satisfied that the money was still inside, she turned around and admired New York City.

While her back was facing him, Harish caught sight of her bag dipping open, revealing her purse.

His dark impulses came rushing back, and he fought hard to quench them. Lakshmi needed that money; it was the only stash she owned…

But a little voice in his head suddenly perked up.

She’s got everything paid for. What’s the point in having that money anyway? She’s probably just going to spend it on new clothes, which is completely unnecessary.

His jaw clenched.

He couldn’t believe he was even thinking of doing this.

“Miss,” said the taxi driver, dangling his arm out of the window, “Are you getting in or not?”

Lakshmi moved forward, and in that split second Harish made a choice.

Quick as lightning, he slipped his hand deftly into her purse and pulled out the money. Years of practice kicked in as he smoothly stowed the money away in his pocket. Nobody walking by would have even noticed what had just happened.

Harish decided it was better to leave as soon as possible before Lakshmi decided to check her purse again in front of him. He turned and began swiftly walking away, convinced that if he looked into her eyes he’d confess what he’d done. Skirting around the edge of the large building, he quietly exited the airport.

Lakshmi suddenly felt a breath of cold air at her back. She shivered, feeling the loss of his warmth first.

“Harish, are you-“

She turned around and was cut off by her own surprise.

Harish had vanished.

He hadn’t even said a proper goodbye to her.

Had she misread his intentions? Had he just been looking for a way to get rid of her as soon as possible so he could get on with his life?

Lakshmi felt a hot flush of embarrassment creep up her cheeks.

Had she been merely a tribal girl to him as well?

She recalled the sense of immediate connection they’d shared, almost like Harish had known her whole life. How could the last twenty four hours have meant nothing to him?

“Miss!” growled the taxi driver, dragging her out of her thoughts,” I’m leaving.”

“No, no! Sorry,” exclaimed Lakshmi,” I’m getting in.”

The taxi driver eyed her suspiciously and pulled the cigarette he’d been smoking out from between his lips. He noticed her worn footwear and old clothes.

“Pay me first,” he demanded rudely.

“I thought…I thought everything was paid for by the Institution,” Lakshmi protested.

“They just booked your ride, but you got to pay for it,” said the man in a heavy accent,” they said you had the money.”

Lakshmi rummaged through her bag and brought out her purse. The zipper of the purse was open, and the only thing she could see inside was the black nylon lining.

Her heart sank.

The world around her span.

Her money was gone.

She’d checked her purse only minutes before, so the only possibility was that the money had been stolen, probably by someone who had close access to her…

Lakshmi was naive but she wasn’t stupid.

Harish had stolen her money.

Her Harish, the one who’d taken care of her, told her jokes throughout their journey, answered all her questions without ever thinking she was strange and made her laugh when she’d felt ridden with homesickness.

She closed her eyes, still in denial.

The more she thought about it, the angrier she got. She clenched her fists and her eyes brimmed with tears. Harish may have come off as a good, honest person, but how could she have been so innocent and trusted a complete stranger without knowing anything about him?

This was all her fault. Because of her innocence, she now had no money- not even to get to the hostel.

Lakshmi collapsed onto the pavement, hiding her face in her hands. She shed copious tears, not caring if the whole world was watching her strangely.

The taxi driver understood that she had no cash. He snorted and drove away, muttering to himself.

Lakshmi sank her head further in her knees, letting a thick lock of hair fall over her face, covering her eyes, so that nobody could see her tear-stained face. She stood up and slowly tugged her luggage down the streets of New York. Black clouds had gathered in the sky, marring the clear blue, indicating that there would be rain soon.

If the beginning was so terrible, Lakshmi wondered, how was she going to survive eight long months in this alien country?

She had a tough time asking for directions at every step. After what seemed like several hours, she finally managed to reach the hostel, exhausted and crestfallen. As soon as she made it up to her room alone, she flung herself onto the bed and cried again.

She missed home and mother and would give anything to go back.

After crying herself to sleep that night, Lakshmi was pleasantly surprised to find she enjoyed the dance lessons at the academy. They were extremely different from the ones she had gone to at home, so she had a lot to learn here.

However, she couldn’t stop thinking about Harish and what he’d done. Each time his face flashed through her mind, with his honey eyes and gorgeous smile, Lakshmi hated herself for trusting him.

She never left the hostel like all the others did, after their lessons. She weaved a new excuse every time she was asked to step out by the girls, who were also there for training from different parts of the world because she felt too ashamed to tell anyone that she had absolutely no money on her.

“Lakshmi, dear,” called out Miss Young, The Head Trainer, as Lakshmi tried to veer off in another direction after a particularly difficult dance lesson,” Can you come here for a moment?”

Lakshmi sighed and nodded, heading over to where the older woman was standing. Miss Young was still doing her cool-down stretches, and Lakshmi stood in front of her awkwardly.

“Is something wrong?” asked Miss Young, looking concerned.

“What? No,” said Lakshmi immediately,” Nothing is wrong, Miss Young.”

Miss Young stood up and met her eyes.

“Then why do you not join the other students when they go to explore the city and have fun? People like you long to find themselves in New York, the city of lights, their whole lives. And look at you!”

“Look at me?” repeated Lakshmi in confusion.

“You’re mopey and sadly most of the time,” said Miss Young,” I don’t know why, and I know you won’t tell me, but just take my advice. Nothing and nobody is worth so many tears. Cheer up and move on.”

“But Miss Young,” protested Lakshmi,” I don’t like going out! I prefer to be…alone. Please.”

Her attempt to ward off Miss Young failed. Though she tried to sound determined, the words spilling out of her mouth sounded imploring.

Miss Young sighed and said in an oddly mellow voice,” I think I understand.”

Lakshmi’s stomach lurched.

“You do?” she asked.

“Yes, my dear. It’s homesickness, isn’t it? What a terrible feeling!”

Realizing her trainer was far from right, Lakshmi just pursued her lips and nodded furiously.

Miss Young placed an arm around Lakshmi’s shoulders.

“You’ll be fine,” she said in a reassuring voice,” You’re pretty, smart, and talented. Stay strong, Lakshmi. You have encountered any real problems yet.”

If only she knew, thought Lakshmi, swallowing a lump in her throat.

“I have a headache,” she croaked,” I need to rest for a while. Can I go?”

Miss Young stared at Lakshmi, sympathy shining in her soft grey eyes.

“Sure. Get well soon,” she said, before her voice grew crisp,” I want you down for breakfast by 7 am tomorrow. Sharp seven am and no-“

“Excuses,” said Lakshmi, with a faint smile,” I remember.”

Miss Young grinned back and continued on with her stretches. Lakshmi left the dance hall, her eyes growing moist again. Blinking away the tears that threatened to fall, Lakshmi ran up to her room. She curled into her bed in a fetal position, wishing she could withdraw into a shell. After a few minutes, she straightened up and looked around the room, taking in the cool blue walls, the color of the soft cushions on the brand new sofas, the study table and the chair made of walnut wood, the huge mirror, wardrobes, and cabinets made of the same wood, the television, the silk drapes, and the amazing view from the bay window.

Lakshmi cursed her life for not being able to enjoy New York as much as she had wanted to.

She hugged her knees and wept, allowing salty tears to stream down her cheeks, until she could cry no more. She was sick of crying and feared it was growing into a habit.

She had to get a grip on herself. Brushing away the tears determinedly, she pushed Harish away from her thoughts as best as she could. Getting out of the bed, she walked over to the long mirror on the other side of the room.

She stood in front of her reflection for the first time since she’d arrived in New York. The clothes she wore were rumpled and stained, her hair was messy and tangled in the only rubber band she owned, and her face and hands were dirty and streaked with tears.

Right now, she didn’t need money.

What she needed was a hot shower.

Waves thrashed around Harish, pushing him deeper into the ocean. He was sinking, and sinking fast. Swallowing big gulps of seawater, he gasped for air.

Drowning.

He was actually drowning.

He’d always thought it would be the cops or some vengeful person he’d stolen from who would finally kill him, but he was wrong.

Suddenly, from the sky above, a huge teardrop of light splashed into the water in front of him. The shimmering teardrop grew bigger and bigger, covering the sheet of blue water around him.

Instantly, as if by pure magic, the waves mellowed. When he opened his eyes again, he was lying on the shore, waves lapping softly against the white sands.

Harish gasped as his eyelids fluttered open.

He wasn’t on the beach. He wasn’t drowning.

He was lying in his bed, still alive in his deathly cold apartment. After all the blinding sunshine from his dream, the walls around him seemed sinister and menacing. He uncurled his legs, heaving himself to his feet, and staggered towards the window. Pulling back the heavy curtains, he yawned sleepy and cleared his sleep-ridden eyes.

By the look of the sky outside, he could tell it was the crack of dawn. He rubbed his eyes before his gaze fell on the cardboard box lying on the side table beside his bed.

He crouched down beside it and lifted the lid slowly. If there were notes, old and new, he had stolen from different people. After all, he was a criminal, pickpocketing from the people who looked like they could spare a bit of their wealth.

He was just about to close it when his eyes fell on the rolled bunch of notes lying in the corner of the box, worth 2000 dollars. It was secured with a rubber band.

Lakshmi’s rubber band.

His hand mechanically found its way to the bundle and he picked it up. Staring at it, he was reminded for the first time in weeks of Lakshmi, with her long black hair, wide eyes, and flawless skin. She was a young girl from a remote village in India, who hadn’t traveled anywhere before. The girl who’d confided in him and trusted him. And even though Harish would never admit it to anyone but himself, he’d taken a great liking towards her. His jokes meant more to him when she was the one laughing at them. Her questions and complete faith in him made him wish he was a better person.

His thoughts traveled back to the time when Lakshmi had told him about her poor background and her mother. He had empathized with her, felt bad for her, and the difficulties she’d had to overcome. Everything was absolutely fine until he discovered the cash in her purse. Before he’d stolen the only money she had. All of it.

His head dropped into his hands.

What was happening to him?

Harish always stole from people. It was his profession and he was good at it. In fact, he was excellent at it. He stole from people for whom a few dollars, or a few hundred dollars, didn’t really matter. He took the money and vanished from their sight, never thinking about them ever again. He never regretted his actions, never took responsibility for them.

And here he was, for the first time in years, feeling guilty.

It was a foreign feeling. The more he tried to put the thought of her aside, the more it persisted in his head. Lakshmi was a good person, and she didn’t deserve this at all.

How was she managing without the money in a brand-new city and country?

She didn’t even know anyone here.

He felt terrible, ridden with guilt, desperately wishing he could somehow make up for his selfish actions.

“A drop of guilt,” he murmured, finally understanding his dream,” will wash away a sea of greed.”

Harish sat down and wracked his brain for an answer. How would he find her? For all he knew, she might be a hundred miles away from him. He groaned before the thought suddenly hit him.

The passenger list.

It would contain enough information on every passenger. Sufficient enough for him to find her, at least. Harish remembered Lakshmi telling him that she was put up in a hostel, but he didn’t know which one. He decided to go up to the airport, request for the passenger manifest from the authorities, and try to extract some information about Lakshmi. Before he could find time to change his mind, he grabbed the money, pulled on a jacket, and headed out of the front door of his small apartment.

Harish strode down the lane with confident strides, breathing in the smell of fresh flowers and hoping he could catch a trace of long dark hair among the crowd. Wishful thinking, he knew, but somehow he couldn’t stop himself. He could only imagine how heartbroken she was right now and cursed himself for the hundredth time.

He took the public bus down to the airport. As he entered the pristine building, he bit his lip. The entire place, from the chandeliers to the paintings on the walls, reminded him of Lakshmi. Her tinkling laughter rang in his ears, and he squeezed his eyes shut and imagined what he would do if she was standing next to him right now.

Apologize? Defend himself? Kiss her?

Lost in his thoughts, he walked right into a little boy who was clutching his mother’s hand. He immediately stepped away and apologized.

“Watch your step!” cried the child’s mother,” Don’t walk around with your eyes inside your pocket, knocking kids off balance.”

If only she knew what was actually in his pocket, he thought ruefully. Lisping a quick ‘sorry’ again to the lady, Harish turned and hurried away. He reached the information desk. Behind the counter stood a burly man with a bald patch at the center of his head, spouting a salt and pepper beard.

“Excuse me,” Harish said.

“What do you want?” said the man, growling.

Harish could hardly contain his anger at the man’s arrogance. What was the use of such a fine airport if the staff were so rude?

“I need some information about one Miss Lakshmi, who traveled from India on 18th June,” replied Harish with enthusiasm, before reluctantly adding,” please.”

“Sir,” said the man, surprise flickering across his stony face,” We do not permit strangers to have any access to our passenger information. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t look sorry,” muttered Harish under his breath.

“What did you say?”

Harish realized he couldn’t afford to irritate the man further. He desperately needed the information regarding Lakshmi, so he forced his expression to soften and requested again.

“Please, I need the information about the lady. It’s very important. You have to understand-“

“Well, I don’t,” snapped the man, folding his beefy arms and glaring at Harish.

Just then, before Harish could tackle the man, a pretty woman who was working on a computer in the cubicle walked up to them. She had been following their conversation closely. Her eyes took in Harish’s dark hair, his lean frame, the light-colored eyes, his high cheekbones, and defined jawline.

She slid herself between the two men, effectively blocking their view of each other, and winked at Harish discreetly. His eyebrows shot up in surprise. What was she up to?

She began talking in a hushed tone to the large man, who Harish presumed was her colleague. Harish caught a few words of what they were whispering.

“….no manners,” he heard the man say.

“I’ll handle him,” said the young lady.

“Be my guest,” he muttered back.

The lady came out of the counter and smiled at Harish. His eyes flicked down and read the name on the badged pinned to her uniform: Anya.

“This way please,” she said, leading him a good distance from the man before saying something that took Harish by surprise.

“It looks like this Lakshmi person means a lot to you,” Anya said,” I’ll help you, don’t worry. Wait here. I’ll be back in a jiffy.”

She whipped around and pushed her way through the crowd, heading to a small room at the far end of the corridor.

Harish spotted a bench where an old couple was seated and sat down next to them, curling his fingers in his lap. His thoughts went back to Lakshmi. What was she doing right now? Had she made friends in her hostel?

An unsettling thought occurred to him.

Had she met a guy she liked?

Just then, Anya reappeared, beckoning him to where she stood. He pulled himself together vowing not to rest till the money was handed over to Lakshmi again. He caught up with Anya, who was standing outside a tiny bookshop.

“Come on, slowcoach,” teases Anya,” do you want to find your lady love or not?”

Harish flushed,” No, no. There’s no love or anything of that sort. She’s not my girlfriend.”

Anya’s eyebrows drew themselves together quizzically, but she didn’t pursue the topic further.

“Anyway,” said Harish, glad to switch topics,” Please tell me what you found about Lakshmi.”

“Well, the files show she is put up in a hostel on Broadway Fifth Street. That hallmark mentioned is, The Empire State Building,” explained Anya,” that’s about all I could gather on her.”

“That’s more than enough!” exclaimed Harish,” Thank you so much.”

Anya led him to the airport doors and said,” Okay then, you’re on your own from here. All the best, Harish. I really do hope you find her.”

As she turned to leave, Harish stopped her.

“Anya?”

“Yeah?”

“Tell me, why did you help me even when your colleague refused to? Why did you help when you know that parting with such information is against the airline’s policy?”

“Because I thought you were a very handsome guy,” teased Anya, winking at him again.

He raised an eyebrow at her, and she laughed.

“No, on a serious note, I saw the earnestness in your eyes, and I felt that if I could help you, why not. And I’m Indian too. We’ve got to stick together, right?”

Harish smiled,” Right. And I’ll see you again, Anya, during one of my travels.”

They shook hands and parted ways.

With every second ticking by, Harish imagined how much Lakshmi must be suffering. He crossed the airport path in a couple of bounds and jogged up the road to catch the bus. He hopped inside and requested the bus driver to give him a ride to Broadway Fifth Street.

“We don’t travel to the Fifth Street of Broadway,” the bus driver grunted, scratching his head.

“That’s alright,” Harish answered,” I’ll walk the rest of the way.”

Proceeding on foot proved to be extremely difficult for someone who traveled everywhere in taxis with stolen money. He covered his head with the hood of his jacket and took long strides down the pavement. He kept losing his way, which infuriated him to no end. His body was screaming for him to stop and grab a bite to eat, but he plowed on. All he wanted was to find Lakshmi and hand over her money so that he could be at peace with himself again.

Well, hopefully, he thought.

Realizing he’d lost his way again, Harish decided to ask for directions from a passer-by. He quickly picked out a beautiful woman with rich black hair and grey eyes.

He went up to her, his brilliant smile on full display.

“Hey,” he greeted her warmly.

She turned, jerked her head to toss her hair over her shoulders, and eyed him approvingly.

“Hi,” she answered, flashing him a smile.

“Could you guide me to Fifth Street of Broadway Avenue?”

“Are you new around here?” she asked.

“Yes. I’m actually here to find someone. All I know is that she is put up in a hostel near The Empire State building. I have to see her urgently.”

The woman’s approving glance immediately transformed into one of deep suspicion.

“If you don’t mind,” she said,” may I ask what the name of this lady you’re looking for is?”

“Lakshmi. She’s from India.”

“Did you say Lakshmi? As a matter of fact…” her tone grew icy and hostile,”…I know Lakshmi. And there is no way I will allow random, admittedly good-looking, strangers to meet her.”

Before she could say anything more, Harish cut in smoothly.

“Maybe we are talking about different people,” he said,” Thank you very much anyway.”

The woman looked surprised,” Oh. Well, then, I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions. Good day, Mr…”

“Channel,” he lied,” And you are?”

“Jessica Young,” the woman said,” Pleased to meet you.”

While she clambered off down the street, Harish was thankful that he was careful not to reveal his real name in case the news of his search reached Lakshmi. He planned to confront her and beg for her forgiveness.

Harish realized he’d stopped walking and gnashed his teeth. He wasn’t going to get anywhere at this rate, with him mourning his mistakes over and over again, He was happy he was this close to his goal now and, with renewed vigor, he continued down the street.

He took the first right after The Empire state building. It was getting dark, and he hadn’t eaten anything since dawn. Swallowing his hunger, he briskly walked past two old buildings with grey stained walls, and rusty window panes and frames.

Harish was exhausted and had no idea where he was yet again until his eyes fell on a board above a two-storied white building up the slope. It read: St Mary’s Women’s Hostel. His eyes lit up, and he staggered to the door, letting himself into the building.

A middle-aged receptionist sat behind a U-shaped counter. Her rounded face was framed with a mass of short brown hair and looked up as he walked inside.

“Good lord!” she cried,” Look at you! Clara, please fetch a glass of water immediately. Sit down, sit down.”

She came out to assist him in a nearby seat, but Harish waved away her concern. All he wanted was to see Lakshmi. Everything else could wait.

“I’m fine,” he said,” I…I’m actually here to see Lakshmi.”

The receptionist immediately squared her shoulders and furrowing her eyebrows, said,” I apologize, sir. Please calm down and be seated. I cannot just allow anyone walking into our hostel to meet our guests. So please…”

Harish’s high hopes sank. The receptionist looked firm, and he knew she was not going to let him through. And if he didn’t return the money to Lakshmi, the feeling of guilt would gnaw away at him like a hungry dog. He tried again.

“Ma’am,” he said, flashing a charming smile,” I really have to meet her. Lakshmi and I are…well…close family friends.”

He had always mastered the art of lying, but today he was finding it difficult to get the right words to say.

“I’m here to see her…actually….to convey an important message to her,” he finished.

The receptionist stared at him as if she somehow understood that he was lying. The stare seemed to last forever. Harish looked away in guilt.

Finally, she said,” All right mister. Let me look for her on the computer.”

Her eyes scanned the list of names as he watched her intently.

Finally, she smiled and looked up. Harish felt his spirits soar; it was going to be a positive response for sure.

“The lady you are looking for is put up with us,” said the receptionist,” Please enter your name and contact details on the register here, while I call her to let her know of your arrival.”

“No!” Harish exclaimed,” I want to surprise her. Please.”

The receptionist reluctantly agreed to let him go up to Lakshmi’s room on the second floor. Before she could even finish her sentence, he was running toward the staircase. He raced up the stairs and didn’t stop until he reached the landing on the second floor, desperately hoping Lakshmi was in her room and not one of the training sessions.

He stood outside room 202.

His fingers were shaking as he raised his hand to ring the doorbell. He was more nervous than he expected to be. What would he tell when she opened the door? Was she going to be mad at him? How would she react? Should he go down on his knees and beg for her forgiveness with folded hands?

Whatever he had to do, he would, he thought.

Just then, he heard a group of girls giggling from behind him. He turned around to see six students milling about on the terrace outside, having a good chat. His eyes scanned the group till they halted at a figure that looked very familiar.

He sucked in a breath. He felt like he’d been punched right in the gut.

She was standing at the far end of the terrace, away from the rest of the girls. She was holding a white flower in her hands and absently pulling out each petal slowly, letting them get blown away by the breeze.

Her eyes stared at nothing in particular, but they were filled with sadness. She looked pale and weak.

I did this to her, Harish thought, biting his lip. He was not sure if he could ever look into those lovely eyes again without being consumed by guilt. Lakshmi had entered this world with hope and life, and he’d crushed all her expectations by betraying her. What he’d done was unpardonable.

The best thing to do at the moment, he realized, was to leave the money at the reception with a note for her, and disappear.

However, Harish was pleasantly surprised to find the door to her room ajar. He looked around to check if he was being watched. When he didn’t find anyone around, he quietly let himself into the room. Her bed was neat and tidy. The sheet on the mattress was uncreased and the cushions were neatly arranged against the headboard. The small suitcase that he had carried for her was kept in a corner along with the large suitcase. Her clothes were carefully arranged in the closet.

Her scent was everywhere, wrapping around him like a blanket. All he wanted to do was get lost in it, but he had to rush before he was seen by anyone.

He quickly pulled out the writing pad with the hostel name and logo printed in royal blue. He sat down on the study table and scribbled a few lines, before tearing off the sheet from the pad and placing it on the bed. He pulled out the roll of 2000 dollars from his pocket and placed it on top of the note.

He shut the door tight behind him and walked quickly down the stairs. He bowed at the receptionist who was busy on the phone as he walked out of the main door.

Lakshmi was surprised to find a note and the rolled bunch of dollars secured with her rubber band when she returned to the room that night.

A smile found its way to her face for the first time in weeks.

She looked around for Harish first, knowing he had been in her room. Her heart thudded with nervousness as she peeped into the bathroom first to check if he was there.

He wasn’t.

She opened the front door and looked on either side of the long corridor, but he was nowhere to be seen.

Disappointed, she retreated back into her room.

Lakshmi opened the note, and what she read brought tears to her eyes.

Dear Lakshmi,

Before I begin, let me apologize to you. I am terribly sorry.

I can’t even imagine what you must have gone through in an alien place, without money.

I am a professional at conning people. I am completely immune to feeling remorse or guilt. And yes, I did rob you that day. I did what I usually do to innocent people, with flair and panache. I have all my life tricked, cheated and wronged people as they deserved it. But I have to confess that my conscience got the better of me after I ran away with your money. I don’t know if I am ever going to get over the guilt I have been feeling since then. Trust me, when I say that for the first time in my life I felt like I robbed myself.

I came here all the way to see you in person, apologize to you, and return your money. But once I got here, I didn’t have the heart to face you. I am leaving the money with this note,

Nothing I say can reverse the pain I have caused you. I am really sorry for what I have done. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

Wish you all the best,