Questioning God's Plan

Sometimes as strong as I am, and as much faith as I have, I question God. I get mad and yell at him, I ask why and when. It's not that I am not grateful for everything he has done for me, because each and every day I give thanks for his grace and mercy on my life but there are days that my heart hurts so much, that I am in pain, deep pain in my soul and I don't understand his plan..

I can't imagine anyone going through as much as I have, even though I know it could be worse and it has been worse. Even though my life compared to others may seem like a walk in the park but when it's your life and your going through it, sometimes it's the only thing you can feel. 

I know he has great plans for me, I know he gave me this gift and these testimonials to help others. I know he knows my heart and what my purpose is, what I want to do with this life yet even with all I do it seems just out of my reach. I know faith without works is dead and damn, I have been working it and yet I can't seem to get there. I ask what lessons I need to learn to get there, what else do I have to go through to bring me to that place.

Even though I know this is my purpose, I need to know when will I be doing this, instead of struggling with doing these other things to pay my bills. What else can I do to get there? 

I know many people struggle with this, they also questioned God and his timing. This doesn't mean that you don't have faith or that you don't believe but that your tired, your just barley holding on and need to know is God listening to you.

I know that when I pray God gives me signs that I need and multiple signs because he knows that I am hard headed. He gives all of us signs if we are willing to look for them. It may be a song that comes on at that moment, it maybe a television show, a written word you happen upon, or a person that tells you something you need to hear. These are all signs from up above, telling you your answers. 

We all feel this way, at one point or another, lost, broken, hurt by people we loved and trusted. We are all looking for meaning, for love, for that message that keeps us holding on. Sometimes we need to look inside ourselves to find God, to hear God's voice.

"The great spiritual geniuses, whether it was Moses, Buddha, Plato, Socrates, Jesus or Emerson...have taught man to look within himself to find God" Ernest Holmes 

We need to realize that we cannot know everything, we can't control everything, we can't make things happen on our time frame. It is on God's time, his plan not ours and we need to realize this and know the plans he has for us.