My baby, my love, my little darling ...

I cried so much ... yes darling I cried! Even those who are believed to be the strongest cry ... it is not weakness ... just a feeling that invades you, that takes you deep you insides... that reminds you of your condition of mere mortal ... the exacerbation of a deep infinite… irreversible sadness.

Not a day goes by without looking at photos and videos of you… little one… remembering those moments when we lived carefree, all under the same roof… unconditional love.

Soon 3 years ago I couldn't smell your smell, hug you ... cover you with kisses ... have you there near me ...

Around me I always hear the same refrain, time catches up with everything! But I know that is not true ... I will never be able to relive those lost moments ... to see you evolve, become a little girl, live and share your daily life, the lost hugs can never be lived...

It's all a waste ! I think I am going through the hardest punishment … not seeing you… I know that you cannot scratch me from your life,… I'm your daddy, you are the flesh of my flesh, what I have most precious in world…

You are and will remains forever my baby ... my first child, you who changed my life, projected me into adult life, responsible ... we were happy ... and I broke everything!

The saddest thing my dear is that I know it's all my fault. I should have protected you from our adult quarrels, be strong, hold my head high…. But I broke, snapped... I lost my footing ...

My body was there but my head almost imploded, so much so that I lost all discernment … a little girl shouldn't see her daddy sink into illness like that, I grant you. An innocent little girl shouldn't have seen her daddy go down on one knee.

I know that you were afraid for me, You who put me on a pedestal… my fall was also very difficult for you… I know that…

I should have been strong and played my role without wavering, protecting you, defending you…. Instead I continued to feel sorry for myself… making myself a victim!

It took me a long time to open my eyes, to get back on the path of wisdom, to understand that I was sick, to understand that there was no victim ... just too much ego, too much material, too much of all…

But you have to know my dear, that I do not regret anything of my life before…. I tried to give you the best sacrificing myself totally. I the zebra, supposedly so intelligent, I let myself in the trap of live ... like this big wave that soon collapses on you and keeps you captive, there, underwater ... with no way to get out ...

My only regret is that I stole your youth and your carlessness somehow ... but honey you have to know that it was all good for me ... Even if everything didn't happen as you I way wanted, the result is here!

I am still alive and have regained a zest for life that I had lost for so long.

I lived a death…. The old me is gone ... I miss your laughter and your smiles ...

Life's trials and tribulations don't change you, they just bring you back to who you were before…. Not before the accident ... but before that mask, that inauthentic life comes to capture you.

Again, I'm not throwing stones at anyone…. I was in control of my destiny, I took the wrong paths, made the wrong choices ... locking myself in my grave little by little more every day.

I want to tell you how much I love you, how proud I am of the little girl you are becoming ...

I'm not perfect, far from it, but I am like that… I remain your daddy who loves you, who wishes you happiness… the one who worries when you cough, when you fall, when you cry… the one who you love unconditionally, the one you can call at any time of the day or night ... in short, I'm your daddy ...

Your father