Letting Go (Chapter-6)

Serena

The drive took longer than usual to get to her apartment. Serena had missed her exit and ended up in Agoura Hills, where she spent an extra 20 minutes driving through crowded side streets. As she drove she could hear the voicemail replaying over and over in her head. Agent Keene’s voice sounded the same as it had years ago, except with less sensitivity and kindness. It sounded more like a business call, as if the situation had changed over time into something that was purely a legal matter. This thought angered Serena. What had happened to her was something that didn’t just disappear over time. She faced moments everyday - when she heard specific headlines at work, when she spoke to her parents, when she looked at her sister - that reminded her. If anything, time was deepening the wound rather than healing it.

Serena put her car into park and grabbed her purse, noticing that Jilliana’s blue sedan was gone, but not thinking much of it. She had a list of things streaming through her that she needed to finish before driving to her parents’ house, and as she walked up the stairs the list seemed to keep growing: take a shower, change clothes, call Jilliana, pay the electric bill. She’d take one step at a time, checking things off of her list until she was back her in car driving to Northridge. For a second she felt calm. Then she saw Roy standing in front of her door.

“It’s you,” he said. His voice was tense. He had been leaning against the door with his arms crossed but was standing straight up now, covering the doorway. His cheeks were flushed with red and Serena could see sweat dripping from his temples.

You have to be kidding me. What the hell is he doing here? Serena thought. “Hey, did you forget someth--”

“Where is she?” Roy walked toward her, glancing over her shoulder down the stairwell.

“Jilliana? She’s not here. I actually don’t know where she is.” Please, just leave me alone. For God’s sake, just leave.

“I need to talk to her. Now.” Roy’s voice seemed to get tighter and tighter as he spoke.

“Okay, okay,” Serena led him to the door, “Tell me what’s going on, and I’ll do what I can to help.”

“I had money in my wallet last night. One hundred bucks. After I left this morning it was gone. I swear to God if she stole it-”

“Okay,” Serena pulled open her purse, “can I just write you a check for it? One hundred right?” Serena pulled out her checkbook and pen, hoping that she could end the confrontation as quickly as it started.

“No. No. I want more than the cash,” Roy’s face turned a deeper shade of red. “I want to talk to her.”

Serena took a deep breath. “Look, I really don’t know where Jilliana is, and I don’t know when she’ll be back. Can we just settle this here and now, like adults? Then this will all be over, and you can go home.”

There was silence for a moment. She could tell that Roy had been there for a while, at that he probably wanted to go home as badly as she wanted him gone. She watched his breath slow, and his face slowly return to its natural color.

“I want one hundred and twenty bucks.”

Serena swiftly wrote out the check and passed it over. Roy snatched it away, folded it, and stuffed it into the back pocket of his jeans.

“You tell that little bitch that this is not over,” Roy said before turning away, “and that she better not show her face at HQ’s Pub again.” He left quickly and loudly, leaving the smell of sweat and cologne behind him.

Serena stood still for a moment outside of the door. The encounter happened so quickly that she didn’t have time to absorb it. She knew Jilliana had stolen before, but never thought she’d go so far as stealing money. But maybe she hadn’t - maybe Roy was mistaken, and he had spent his cash that night without remembering he had. She opened the door, reminded once again that the electricity was off when the room seemed hotter than the hallway, then turned to the kitchen and froze. Beneath a glass cup on the counter was a neatly stacked pile of twenty-dollar bills. “Oh Jills,” Serena said softly to herself, “I really, really hoped you hadn’t.”

Serena swiftly paid the bill over the phone and, leaving the money untouched, headed straight for the bathroom. She took a quick shower, just long enough to clean off the sand and sweat, and walked into the overwhelming heat of her bedroom. She closed the blinds and lightly dried herself off before putting on only her underwear and sitting comfortably on the edge of the bed. Her phone felt heavy in her hands. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and dialed.

The phone rang, rang, and rang. Of course she won’t pick up. She never does, Serena thought. At first she considered not leaving a message, but knew that if she didn’t Jilliana would assume she called by mistake. She took a deep inhale, exhale, and listened to her voice waver slightly as she spoke.

“Hey Jills, it’s me. Give me a call back as soon as you can. Everything is okay, but we need to get to mom’s and dad’s. Agent Keene called. I’m..uh...not sure if you really remember her. But it’s about my case. Let me know you got this. Okay, love you, bye.”

She hung up the phone and fell back onto the bed, moving up slightly so that her entire body was supported and only her feet dangled off the edge. For a moment, while staring up at the ceiling with her hands clasped behind her head, Serena felt the same way she had 15 years ago, on a summer afternoon similar to this one. She shut her eyes and took herself back to that day - to the purple bedroom walls, the pink floral comforter, and the collection of dolls lined up against her pillows. She thought of the relief she had felt, and the assuredness from those around her that the worst was over- that everything would go back to the way it was. Her eyes opened, quickly bringing her back to the white-walled bedroom. I had no idea, Serena thought, I had no idea that what seemed like the end of a nightmare was just the beginning.