Letting Go (Chapter-39)

Jilliana

“I don’t get it,” Jilliana said to Patrick as she sat at the dining room table with her cup of coffee.

Patrick loudly placed a pan on the stove, “Get what?”

“You know, why I have to go to work with you,” she glanced at the opened box of Band-Aids on the table, “I really think I’ll be safe here alone, just for a few hours. My shift starts at noon.”

Jilliana watched Patrick cook in silence, wearing purple checkered boxer shorts and a white shirt that fit tightly around his biceps. He didn’t speak until he was lifting the pan and transferring his eggs to a plate on the counter.

“You’re coming, Jills,” he pulled a fork from the kitchen drawer, “please don’t argue with me about this.”

“This is ridiculous,” Jilliana huffed, leaning back into the chair, “I just can’t believe how possessive you are. I thought we had solved your whole ‘clingy’ issue last night.”

Patrick dropped his fork loudly against the plate. He took a heavy, exaggerated breath and turned to face her.

“First of all, nothing was solved last night. If you remember, you left the car before we had settled anything.”

Jilliana opened her mouth to speak, but Patrick continued before she could get a word in.

“But this isn’t about us, or about last night,” he picked up his breakfast and walked to the dining room table, “regardless of what goes on between us, there’s a maniac out there who hasn’t been caught, and I still want to keep you safe, even if I’m pissed at you.”

“God,” Jilliana leaned forward onto the table, gripping the coffee mug between her hands, “I don’t know why everyone feels like they have to protect me.” She looked back at the box of Band-Aids, “I’m not a child, Pat. I can take care of myself.”

“I know you can,” Patrick took a bite of his eggs, swallowed, and paused before continuing, “but Serena feels like--”

“Wait, you talked to Serena?” Jilliana pushed back from the table and folded her arms across her chest. “When did you talk to her?”

“Just this morning… early this morning. It wasn’t a big deal. She just wants to make sure you’re safe, that’s all.”

Jilliana stood, pushing herself away from the table so harshly that the coffee in her cup nearly spilled. She walked to the kitchen, pulled a cigarette and lighter from the drawer beside the stove, and didn’t speak again until she had exhaled several clouds of smoke.

“Serena made it very clear last night that she wants nothing to do with me. Apparently this is her problem, not mine,” Jilliana walked back to the table and sat across from Patrick, “so don’t listen to anything she said to you this morning.”

Patrick moved uneasily in his chair, “She... wanted me to tell you something,” he spoke cautiously with his eyes down, “something about… that day at the amusement park.”

Jilliana looked away, then glared back at Patrick.

“You know that I don’t want to talk about that day, Pat,” her voice was dry, almost emotionless, “not ever.”

Patrick nodded, “Yes, yes, I know,” then lifted his gaze to hers. “I know, Jills. But Serena made me promise to tell you--”

“If she had something to tell me, she had plenty of chances last night,” Jilliana took a deep inhalation of her cigarette, “I don’t give a fuck what she said to you this mor--”

“Jilliana, just shut up!” Patrick pushed his plate of eggs to the side and leaned forward over the table, “can you, for just one second, let me finish?!”

Jilliana was taken aback but tried not to show it. She shrugged and fell back into her chair, attempting to look uninterested - though the intensity in Patrick’s tone was one she had never heard, even when they were fighting.

“Serena made me promise to tell you that…on the day at the amusement park, she was the one who let go. Not you. She wanted me to tell you that it wasn’t your fault.”

Jilliana felt her entire body go numb at these words. She unknowingly dropped her cigarette to the floor, took several deep breaths to ease her escalating pulse, and once again rested her eyes on the Band-Aids box.

“I thought this would make you feel better,” Patrick stood and picked up her cigarette from the floor, “I know how talking about this upsets you, but--”

“Where did Serena go,” Jilliana looked up at Patrick, “this morning. Where did she go?”

“I don’t know… she left pretty early, and said she’d see us at Michelle’s funeral tomorrow.”

Jilliana bit her lip, harder than she’d intended. Thoughts were reeling so quickly in her mind that she couldn’t think straight. She leaned her elbows on the table and rested her head in her hands, hoping to ease the pressure building up in her head.

“Jills?”

The light touch of Patrick’s hand on her arm caused Jilliana to push back. She stood up from the chair and walked to the window.

She’s going to do it, Jilliana thought, She’s actually going to do it this time.

“Pat,” Jilliana turned to face him, “we have to find Serena.”

“Why?” Patrick stood and took several steps toward her.

“Because,” Jilliana shifted nervously from foot to foot, “she’s said that to me before, about the amusement park… she said it to me when I was asleep - I mean, when she thought I was asleep,” Jilliana walked to Patrick so they were close enough to touch, “It was a few months after she had been found. Serena said she was putting us in danger by being home, so she tried to leave.”

Patrick shook his head. “Leave - where? Where did she plan on going?”

Jilliana started to tremble, “Back to Edmond. She tried to go back to Edmond so he could… finish what he started.”