Letting Go (Chapter-37)

Serena

That night, Serena remained staring at the front door of the apartment from the kitchen table, jumping at every small creak or thump from the apartment above them. She didn’t move from the table until 3:22am, when she pulled a box of cookies down from one of the cupboards and retrieved the sharpest looking knife she could find from Patrick’s knife block. Serena sat back down at the table, munching on Nilla wafers, and feeling only slightly safer than before with the steak knife gripped in her right hand. She looked down at it, and at the two small Band-Aids she had placed on her wrist to hide the burn Edmond had given her. ‘Keep my mouth shut’ was what he said, Serena thought, don’t say anything, or he’ll… she closed her eyes, kill Jilliana. She tried to push the horrid image from her mind but couldn’t; it had been only a couple of hours since Edmond had said these words to her, before running up the staircase to some unknown location in the building. This is what scared Serena more than anything - the fact that Edmond was so close to her, to Jilliana, to Patrick, and that at any moment he could break through the door and kill them all.

But as Serena continued to stare at the door, a thought came to her. Maybe he’s choosing not to come in. She stuffed her hand into the small box of wafers and put one into her mouth. Either something is stopping him from coming in, she thought, or he’s deciding not to. Serena leaned against the back of the chair to think. He knows where we are - he has to. There’s no way he didn’t watch us enter the apartment. This idea made Serena sit up taller in the chair and grip the knife handle tighter. Her focus on the door was more intent now. He must be waiting for the perfect moment. She glanced at the digital clock on Patrick’s microwave.

“3:50,” she whispered to herself, “what could he be waiting for?”

Then the answer came to her, so quickly that she was surprised she hadn’t realized it sooner.

It’s me. He only wants to kill me. And he doesn’t want to do it here.

Serena lingered on this revelation for some time before knowing exactly what it was she needed to do. It’s the only way, she thought to herself, yes, it’s the only way to end this. She stayed at the table for another hour before putting down the knife and walking quietly to Patrick’s room. After tapping lightly on his bedroom door with no response, she entered.

Because it was nearly dawn, Serena was able to see the floor enough to dodge her way around the mess of his bedroom as she made her way toward Patrick, who was lying on his bed wrapped in a grey sheet. She nudged his shoulder slightly when she approached him, trying to ignore the opened box of condoms on his bedside table.

“Hey, Patrick,” she started to shake his shoulder now, “Pat?”

Patrick rolled his shoulder back slowly. “Jills?” he murmured and rolled over to face her.

“No, it’s Serena,” Serena spoke a bit louder, “I need you to do something for me.”

With a grunt, Patrick pushed up from the covers. “What time is it?”

“Almost five,” Serena stepped back when she saw that Patrick was shirtless, “I need you to get up and do something for me. Should I um… give you a minute?”

She watched Patrick push the covers off and step out of bed with nothing on but purple checkered boxers.

“No, it’s fine,” he picked up a white t-shirt from the floor and pulled it on, “what do you need?”

Serena was silent for a moment. She knew what she needed to do, but hadn’t thought through exactly how to go about doing it.

“I, um…” she turned and looked at the doorway to ensure that Jilliana hadn’t joined them, “I need you to tell Jilliana something for me. It’s something really, really important.”

Patrick must have sensed the seriousness in Serena’s tone, because he was standing straighter and more alert than before.

“Tell her… that on that day at the amusement park,” Serena paused, trying to push away a memory she hated revisiting, “sixteen years ago… that I was the one who let go. I was the one who ran away. It wasn’t her fault. I need her to know that.”

Patrick had a stern look now, “Serena, is something going on?” He took a step toward her.

Serena stood her ground, not budging when Patrick stepped closer to her. “Patrick,” she raised a hand, signaling him to stop, “Do you love Jilliana?”

Patrick nodded. “Yes, yes I do.”

“Like - really, really love her?”

“Yeah,” he shrugged his shoulders, “I mean she’s crazy, but I love her.”

“Good,” Serena nodded, more to herself than to Patrick, “then keep her safe, okay?”

Patrick looked at her, more perplexed now, “Of course I will.”

“Okay,” Serena glanced down the hallway again, “I need to go. Lock the door behind me?”

Serena walked quietly with Patrick toward the front door of the apartment. She turned around to face him and glance over at Jilliana, who was a bundle of blankets on the pull-out couch.

“I’m going to stay away for the rest of the day,” Serena whispered to Patrick, “but I’ll be at Michelle’s funeral tomorrow, so I’ll see you then.”

She could see Patrick ease slightly at these words. “Alright. Just… call if you need something.”

“Okay,” she turned to face the door, but then turned quickly around to look back at him. “Never leave Jilliana alone in this apartment. Never.”

“I won’t.” Patrick responded with a stern look.

“You promise?”

“Yes, yes, I promise.”

Serena looked through the door’s peephole and, seeing no one outside, unlocked the deadbolt.

“Serena--” the feeling of Patrick’s hand on her shoulder stopped Serena from turning the doorknob.

“Serena, you know I care about you too, right? If something’s wrong you’d… tell me.”

“Yes, Pat. I would,” Serena put on the most convincing smile she could “Watch over her, okay?”

“Okay,” he said, releasing his hand from her shoulder.

Serena could feel her heart race as she turned the doorknob, but didn’t hesitate - she turned it, opened the door just enough to allow herself through, and shut it closed. She stood with her back to the door and listened to the small click of the deadbolt being secured on the other side.

Then she lingered there, alone. There was a small window near the end of the hallway where the sun’s rays shined through, illuminating the grey carpet and the paint chipping off of the beige walls. She placed her hand over chest, expecting to feel a rapid heartbeat, but was surprised at it’s calm pace. It was in that moment that Serena knew she had made the right decision.

Serena’s entire life had been a run, but now she was going to be the one to end it, not Edmond. As she stood in the hallway she knew he was there, somewhere, watching her. But now wasn’t the time. She knew Edmond well enough to know that the timing had to be perfect. The place had to be perfect. His plan had to be executed in exactly the way he had fantasized, or he wouldn’t go through with it.

Serena closed her eyes, allowing the sun to slowly bring warmth to her cheeks. That’s what I will give him, she thought, The perfect place, the perfect moment, the perfect opportunity. Then I’ll end this nightmare forever.