Journey To Hell

100% is the end...

This is a story about Me, Myself and I. Though it means the same, I am not sure how the world works, because I am like a parrot which has been put into a cage. Not happy but has no choice but to satisfy the owner. On September 9th when everyone was dancing in our colony Ganesh Immersion, I decided to end my life. Not because I felt left out, but because I could not satisfy the needs of my mother. My father passed away when I was 8 due to a cardiac arrest. From then on it has only been me and my mom. Though my mother used to say I am like your best friend share everything to me, I tried to share once and ended up getting an hour lecture and getting mocked by her for the rest of my life.

Well to top it all my mom had always wanted me to score 1st Rank in exams. Unfortunately our school was wanted to flaunt it's toppers. So not only the board grades but every grade from 9 to 12 used to have a big notice board where the toppers across the grade would be put up. A nice photo along with their full name and percentage really attracted my mom. And on the annual day the principal used to give them a certificate and a medal. So there it started, grade 9 was easy I had studied like anything day night and managed to score 98% and banged the 2nd Rank across my grade. Though I could say I was very happy my mom somehow managed to taunt me saying okay but you could have scored better in Chemistry. I was just heartbroken, my mom knows that I was more into public speaking and I was more into novels than any other interest of activities but yet she had to mock me saying I could have done better. Our school had another amazing system which I hated, shuffling based on their marks. 3 sections across grade 10, that is 180 students divided in 3 sections. the A section was filled with students who scored 92% and above in grade 9 examination. That was barely 20 students 16 Girls and 4 Boys. B section was with students who scored 65% and above that was around 80-90 students. The rest were dumped into C section because the school thought so that they were good for nothing, so some around 80 students maximum boys were dumped into that class.

Grade 10 has started, and the journey to hell started. As a gift for scoring second rank I was gifted a pack of 3 novels which I was forced to complete in the first 20 days of the summer holidays, so that I could focus on completing my portion for the next 1 and a half month. My phone was taken away, for referring resources I would get 1 hour a day. Other than that I was meant to be glued to the books, the next 10 months flew quickly. The last 2 months of this torture had come. December 15, I was put into special coaching in our school for A section exclusively. We had stay backs after school hours by the time I came home it used to be 8 30 pm and I used to be exhausted and tired but my mother used to make me study till 11 30 in the night. I was fed up, but I was too timid to tell her that this was too much. Finally boards started, I had put in a lot of effort studying day and night and the last exam came to an end. As and when an exam would finish I would slowly feel all the burden coming down my shoulders.

Exams finished and everything was coming back to normal when one day, my mom asked me to sign on the form school had sent. It was like a cat caught my tongue, I was speechless and anger was running up my veins. I was on the verge of tearing the form. Then I took a deep breath, I said “ Ma, I can’t take science.” She retaliated “ How can you say that, This field has the maximum scope” but I was firm on my decision. I wanted to take something different, not because there would be less competition but I wanted to make my passion my profession. Unlike others who have different professions and their passion is different. I had always dreamt of coming upon the television but trying to become an actress in this preferential world would just freak my mother more. I held the form on hold, I went and took my laptop and created an action plan on how and what I wanted to do. Came back at dinner and sat next to my mother on the couch and explained to her. Well, she did not accept at first it took her a lot of time just to even agree on the fact that I did not want to take science. I thought she had accepted me taking a different stream so I had signed the form and left the rest of the form blank so that the details could be filled up by my mom.

Then came the day, my results of grade 10 had been uploaded on the portal. I was pretty sure I would score somewhere above 95% and boom I scored 98.7%. I yelled to my mom “ Ma, come here quickly” She came running thinking I was in trouble but when she saw the results she was pretty much happy. I was actually waiting for her to hug me and congratulate me, but instead she said Yea good and just walked away asking me to check on the other students marks. I had somehow accepted that and we were called for the awarding ceremony. The principal had announced that I had scored the top marks across the schools in our locality.

But I was shocked to know that my mother had filled the science column in that form even after sitting and explaining to her what plans I had. That was the end, I was heartbroken on the car ride back home, I did not speak a single word. I wanted to ask her why she did that, but I did not waste my energy. We came back home and I slammed my room door. Started weeping, I couldn’t believe she would betray me. I felt like there was no point in me living as a slave to her, I just wanted to end my life. And I ended it in a very brutal manner. No one would have ever thought I would be gone so soon.