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Francesca Villardi Treadmill Treats

Comedy


3  

Francesca Villardi Treadmill Treats

Comedy


Did You Just Say That

Did You Just Say That

4 mins 140 4 mins 140

Did you just say that? A tale about online dating 


So if you follow me you know I've been divorced for the last 8 years and yes, I have an online dated.

The only good thing about online dating is I get material for this blog. Yes, in case you didn't know, I am the Taylor Swift of blogging, I am definitely writing about your stupid ass if the date goes south.


But I am not that good of a writer to come up with some of these stories that keep my girlfriends in stitches when I come back from a date. My theme song has become "Another one bites the dust, and another one is gone, and another down...another one bites the dust"


I know you're all singing that song now but seriously it sucks out here. I have dated younger men, my age and older, still the same shit. I went on drive-by dates (For those of you who don't know what that is, it is coffee and you may be lucky if he buys you one, not kidding!)

I went out to dinner, to the beach, to park dates, and somehow it doesn't matter. Why? You ask, what happened? Well let me tell you about some of my wonderful dates 


How about the guy who likes whips and chains and wants me to walk him like a dog.


Or the guy who has a fetish for being beaten by an Italian woman with a spoon.


How about the 100s of guys that after the first text decide to send me a dick pic.. Wtf??


Or wait, how about Captain America who dressed like that 24/7… even to the park on a Saturday morning…

See I can't make this shit up! 


Last date that bit the dust shows up looking nothing like his profile pictures. He's 5'6 on a good day also not disclosed on profile and has a potbelly. Now before you come at me about why I am a hater, I'm not, I like honesty, say all of this in your profile. I don't care as long as you are disclosing this before the fact but at least give us the option, don't right off the bat, catfish us.

Don't say you're in shape which lately means round. Or that you work out because in case you didn't know it, lifting your arm to drink beer does not constitute working out. Sorry, let's be clear here.


Anyway, I figured let's see, maybe this may turn out to be a prince in frog's clothing. We had some drinks, talked, he seemed okay and then BAM he goes and does this.


Him: So if you were going to rate me on a scale of 1 -10 what would I be?


Me: (with my mouth open) Excuse me? (Because I really thought I heard him wrong or was hoping I did)


Him: You know to rate me, on my looks 


Me:(Still with my mouth open)

Rate you? Do you want me to rate you? Ummm. I don't know maybe an 8.5


Him: (Dead serious) 8.5! 8.5! That's all! You don't think I'm a 10? I can't believe you didn't give me a ten!!


This went on for a good 5 minutes, no lie. I'm thinking dude, your 5'6 on your best day, you look nothing like your pictures and you have a potbelly. I actually think you're a five but I didn't want to make you cry so I was being nice! Wtf??


I try to explain that sometimes you meet someone and they may be a 5 but as you get to know them and love them they become a 10 in your eyes. He wasn't hearing any of that and yes, my theme song came on, my que to get the hell out of there.

"Another one bites the dust.."


But I keep trying, I keep having faith that if I kiss enough frogs that I will find my prince. I am Tinkerbell after all, I have hope.

I believe in happily ever after. I know there are good men out there because I am blessed to have some great men in my life, starting with my dad's and other great friends and yes, I even had a Prince once so I know they are out there but until I find him…

I honestly think he's lost in the woods somewhere... but until then I will keep dating and keep writing about these horrible dates and hopefully keep you and my friends laughing.


So today my friends, don't give up, I know it's bad out there but get together with your friends, have some drinks, and tell your worst dating story and laugh until you cry! And to you, men out there remember what you do because we will be talking about you and if you date me...well, I will be writing about your stupid ass.


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