Crime

Aakriti rushed to her home.

On the way, she was thinking of Shreyash. She feels a strange fear that grasps her.

She clutched her bag firmly and shut her eyes tightly.

She wants to disappear from this world.

Her traumatic past knocked at her.

She tries to reach home as soon as possible. She goes straight to her room and locks herself in.

Her eyes become red.

She is shivering out of fear.

 She grabs the bed sheet of the bed, wrapping herself all around to hide.

 The past flashes in front of her. 

Tears rolling down. 'It's my fault, how can I forget that this world is like this only.'

Her dark past snatched away everything from her...Her life, her happiness and even the real her. 

She thinks that she cannot live in this world where at every step there is risk of losing identity, soul and life.

She wants to kill herself. 

She doesn't want to suffer like this. 

her pain grows intolerable. 

It's heavy on her heart. 

She wants to end her life to rescue herself. She is now scared of people and their monstrous, devilish faces that ruined her life. She is crying hard. 

She sits in the corner of the room, all wrapped for 3 to 4 hours, with eyes closed tightly and tears making their way through her cheeks.

She was thinking, 'Every day I die when I have to face people.

 Because you never know what face they will reveal to you.

This world is so coarse, vulgar and cruel.'

           'But enough is enough. 

I can't suffer myself anymore. 

I'll free myself from this pain forever. 

I will kill myself and will rescue my soul from further pain and tears.

Yes I'll kill myself.

I am fed up with this daily death.

 Dying one day is better than dying daily.' 

She decides to commit suicide. 

She thinks about hanging herself on the ceiling fan. 

'No, this won't work. 

There will be a huge police drama and it will not look like a natural death.' 

She cancels this plan. 

'I will suffocate myself till death by using a plastic bag. 

This will be painless and easy.

' She stands up and starts searching for a plastic bag.

She searches the whole room but can't not find any. 

Being a lawyer's daughter, a point struck her, 'If I suffocate myself using a plastic bag, the next day my dead body will be discovered with my head inside the bag and so it will be obvious that it's not a natural death.

So this thing won't work', she said to herself. Thus, this plan also gets cancelled. 

Then she thinks about killing herself by taking an overdose of sleeping pills. 

'This seems to be a natural, painless, easy and superb Idea.' She has found a way to free herself.

She opens the drawer, takes out a bottle of sleeping pills the doctor gave to cure her insomnia. 

She empties the bottle in her palm and closes her eyes. 

She could see everything in front of her... those dark haunting nights, those nightmares, those pain and suffering and tears...

               And now she is going to free herself from everything. 

She sees the faces of her mother, her brother, her dad and her grandpa. 

She was about to have the pills when suddenly she said, 'No I can't die.

 I can't end my life like this. 

If I'll kill myself then everyone will come to know about me, about the whole damn past. There is going to be a big investigation about it, the police, the society, dad, mom and everyone else will come to know what I have been trying to hide for months. 

And what would happen if grandpa comes to know about the truth. 

My suicide will ruin my family and dad's career also. 

People will laugh at him that a reputed lawyer did not even know what her daughter was doing. 

How can he provide justice to others. 

I can't die like this. I can't die like this...

 Also I don't want to suffer like this.

 But I am helpless. 

There is no other option left.

'

Aakriti's brother knocked at the door, 'the dinner is ready. Come join us.'   Listening to her brother, she wipes her tears with her trembling hands and pats her face so that his brother doesn't have any doubt. 

Somehow, she manages to speak, 'Bhai I am busy with my assignments. 

I have to submit it tomorrow. 

You carry on. 

I'll have it afterwards if I feel hungry.

' She has mastered herself to be 'concealed'. Her brother spoke again, 'Di, everyone is waiting for you, you have the whole night to complete it.' 

'Bhai please... don't irritate me.

 I told you na, I am working on my assignment', she yells n anger.

   

After a few minutes she stands up, opens the drawer and takes the medication that the doctor prescribed her.

She sat near the window. It was raining outside. 

She quietly listened to 'the voice of the rain'. 

'Even the clouds couldn't hold the heaviness inside themselves. 

They poured it down on the earth. 

But I'm still holding it in my heart.

 It's getting too heavy inside', she murmurs to herself. 

While thinking these things, she composed a shayari that described her pain. 

She takes out her diary (her only true friend on this earth) and begins to scribble-

silence outside and storm inside the heart these cold rainy nights always make me restless.

 She, then, pours out her heart and lets her ink bleed on the pages of her diary.

She turns the pages of a diary and jotts down-

      Hopeless, helpless, clueless,

      broken and shattered,

      I wander in search of 

      the lost pieces of my soul.

She is feeling better now & a bit lighter too. The pills are effective and 'writing' too is no less than a therapy. 

'Writing is like meditation', she thinks.

 She never misses writing in her diary. 

She knows very well that her diary will never judge her, no matter what. 

She puts down the pen and leans her head on the table. 

She quietly watches the rain through the window.  

Innumerous questions and troubling thoughts are revolving in her mind. 

The pills started working…. 

and slowly she went to sleep.

 #suicide is a crime.