An Unquiet Mind

Do you know what does it mean by an unquiet mind? It's just like on the outside you are silent but in your inner mind a world War is going on between your thoughts. It's just a phase of depression, making u fight between your mind and body. U r mind is sad because it wants to do something productive but your body is unwilling to move. In other words, it's not just something in your mind but rather it's something you feel in your body. As much as it is your head, it's also in your stomach. Having anxiety and depression is like being scared and tired at the same time. It's the fear of failure but no urge to be productive. It's wanting friends but hate's socializing, it's wanting to be alone but not wanting to be lonely. It's felling everything at once and then feeling paralyzing numb. This is a picture of what depression and anxiety at times feels like and the only cure to it is to stop listening to oneself and start talking to yourself. Let me tell you a short story....

It was 20th August, 1995 and at exactly 9:20 am a new member entered in Shah's Family, a girl child. She was the second child of Mr. And Mrs. Shah, her name was kept Ayisha, meaning 'alive and well'. Born in a middle class family, her life was not so simple as other happy kids. She grew up seeing all kind of family issues that a typical indian family faces, having negative feelings and holding stereotyped beliefs as well as a tendency of discrimination. Born with a little dark complexion made her family nonetheless to hate her, the words 'comparison', 'being judged' were the most common with her. Being compared with her own sister, and on top of it done by her own family was the worst nightmare for her. Everyone one around her made sure to make her belief that she was not worthy which shattered her confidence at a very young age, the eager to prove herself that she was worthy was burning her. Even at school, she was not left alone, she used to get bully every single day.That's where her anxiety begin. Struggling to decide where to begin and what to do. It shivers up her left arm with a heavy chest, making her body feel paralyzed and as her chest gets heavier , her body cannot decide whether to fight or take flight. Luckily she knew how to control it. As time went off, instead of being cheerful like others, she became a timid one, silent enough that made sometimes others think that she was mute. Fighting with herself everyday and other to not let the world touch her with the harsh words. It was in class 4 that she first broke off, she let all her angers out but in a empty room, she understood that she needs to collect herself, her thoughts, her emotions and put a cover of being joyful, no one has nothing to with her and her issues , it was only her who needs to deal with it.Sometimes it's better to be alone so that no one can hurt you. Although she put a cover, but on the inside she was still scared like locked in a prison, the feeling of being judged by the people around her was still running in her head. The eager to prove herself made her better in her academics, she didn't want to look at herself like a loser. Apart from all this negativity, she still used to love her family, she never had a feeling of hatred towards anyone not even outsiders as all she was used to do was telling a lie to herself, that they might have there own issues, and made every possible way to make the people around her happy.She pitted them as their thinking was so low. Among all the family members she was most close to her elder sister, but they were totally opposite of their age, her sister was more joyful and cheerful in nature unlike her.

At the age of 16, she found someone around whom she felt comfortable, not at all scared, it was just like she found the prison's key . His name was Akash, he was of the same class as hers. He was a friend of her from a long time but she didn't knew how with time her feelings changed towards him, but the worst part was it was one-sided.Although she never confessed to him but she felt their friendship being fainted with time. She didn't want to be a chaser and that's the reason why she let him go, she learnt that her self respect is much more important than her feelings. From a very young age she had anxiety issue and that became worse with this incident, her overthinking nature was troubling her. The fear of breakdown never let her to go close to someone again. But with her three best friends beside her, she was much more at ease. In 2012 she completed her school with 95℅ in her boards. She did her graduation in law and then pursued LLB. She was designated as a senior advocate by the Supreme Court of India at the age of 27 . The eager of proving herself was suppressed now and the only thing she wanted to do was exploring herself, living her own care free life just the way she loves, to do the things she missed in her childhood.Today when she sees herself in the mirror and reminiscing all the past, she feels happy and is grateful for all the things happened in her life, they were the reason she is a better person now.

Depression, anxiety are something which varies from person to person. There is no particular story or experience that can make someone universally understand truly how depression alters the lives of those of us who suffer from it. Just like this one, she worked hard and improved herself not to prove someone but to make herself rise in her own eyes. There are more worst cases in the world, you are not the only one, when all this sorts of things happens all we need to do is realise that we live only once and we need to make the best of it .Life is all about living like a champion and be the inspiration for others to not to fall into the loopholes by the society's perspectives.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning how to dance in the rain. "