Gamophobia

Ameen was new in her office. May be due to the new atmosphere, it took her some time to adjust there. She felt awkward in between all of those new faces. Even she was not able to talk to anyone. She didn't even want any conversation with her boss. Talking to her colleagues was just like next to impossible for her. Her conversation with the boss usually lasted for less than three to four minutes and in those minutes, it was Ameen who opened her mouth just to reply in yes or no. Some of her colleagues try to strike a conversation with her but all in vain. She became deaf ear for them. She didn't respond to their futile tries. Although it was to help her only, she did not want any kind of help from anyone.

Soon after her joining, Rashid joins the company. As both were new joiners, the boss gave them the combined work to do. Ameen was wishing for her death. She had to work with the stranger and that too with a male, she couldn't even leave this opportunity, that was the first opportunity to be given to her. And she couldn't lose it because of somebody else. She always buried herself in the project. She didn't bother about her lunch, tea break or any rest. It was like his mere presence or absence doesn't affect her. She just wanted the project to be completed as soon as possible. It was getting difficult for her to bear him.

However, Rashid never forced any conversation with her. Even he avoids talking with her, except discussing for the project, as he didn't want her to be uncomfortable. Although Ameen didn't speak that much, her eyes do a lot. While completing the project, Rashid had fallen head over heels for her. Rashid knew about Ameen's behaviour so he felt his own good in silence, But he started observing her silently. He observed that when she is frustrated, the coffee is the only thing which can uplift her mood, she didn't care about her breakfast, lunch or dinner but she needs something to eat every one hour, be it in very little amount, she mainly dressed simple but she loves to wear Saree. Moreover, she wears the bracelet as her accessory, nothing more than that.

When Rashid couldn't control his feelings, he tried to approach her. For some days, he practised in front of the mirror itself, how to strike a conversation with her. It took him a lot of time to coordinate his heart and mind. Seeing one day, he decided to talk to her. He talked to her giving an excuse for that project. But to his dismay, Ameen avoided talking to him, maybe she got sensed what he wanted to say . when Ameen saw that avoiding him was no use, she decided to tell him the truth.

"You know what Rashid, you might think what type of a girl I am, no social connection with anyone, how can I be so silent? But you know what, I wasn't like that but my situation made me this Ameen."

"What?? What are you talking about??"

"I was never like this and I didn't like myself in this situation but I couldn't do anything."

"Tell me clearly..."

"When I was in college, I love someone."

"My bad luck ...."

" Even he loved me but. ....."

"But what? What happened to your love story?"

"I am Muslim and he was not, he was Hindu. The religious difference created a wall between us and we separated because of that only. Once, it was some function in our college and the dress code was Saree. My parents didn't allow me to wear it. I had convinced them so hard. Because it was a dress theme and I couldn't break it, not even because of religious issues. That day, he had seen me in the saree for the very first time and he loved it. He requested me to wear saree on a regular basis. So I had purchased two sarees just for him. I even made an excuse of some function at home, just to wear the sarees."

"Then what happened?"

"Soon, both of our families got to know about the relationship and from there, the end of our relationship begins. Both of our families had warned us, but you know, love never bow in front of any obstacle. Suddenly, one day he asked me what can we go for court marriage? I immediately said yes to him. But, he put a condition in front of me."

"What kind of condition?"

"To change my religion after marriage. I was shocked. I couldn't do this to my religion. The guy who loves me as Ameen was asking me to become Aman. How could he?? Then I asked him to change his religion after marriage."

"Did he said yes ?"

"We would have been together today if he had said yes. I said no to marriage. Thank God, I had not signed the papers yet. I was broken. When I came home, my Ammi ask me what happened? But I couldn't reply to her. I was shameful because of me only. What to tell Her ?? I went straight to my room and cried for the whole evening. When mom got tensed for me, I told her the whole scenario. she said that she is my mother, she won't think bad of me. I had finished all of his evidence from my life. After about a week, I came to know that he was getting married ."

"What ?"

"Yes. I had the same reaction. He moved on so soon as if he was waiting for our breakup. I wanted to attend his marriage, just to make him realise his mistake ."

"Why did you went there, it would have hurt you?"

"Yes! I was hurt. But I felt that attending that marriage was compulsory for my heart to believe that he couldn't be mine ever. I went there wearing red saree for the first and last time. Even I met his wife, she was beautiful and especially Hindu girl, that his family had selected for him. Even I gifted her a red saree. That day my heart had believed that he had left me forever, there was no point in living this life. I was getting suicidal thoughts. But destiny had planned something else for me. Through our common friend I came to know another shocking revelation."

"What was that ?"

"My parents had warned him to say no to this marriage in one way or other. The changing of religion was just an excuse. My parents had threatened him that if he hadn't said no to the marriage, they gonna kill me."

"What?"

Rashid was perplexed.

"Yeah. That day I had broken all my relationships with my family too and I am here since then."

" I'm so sorry ..."

"Why are you saying sorry?'

"I think I had deepened your wound that was suppressed, by proposing you when you do not feel anything for me. "

"Hey! Calm down. Even I do like you. But, the reason is ...."

"What ?"

"I have Gamophobia.

After that incident, I had lost some part of me and I had developed myself as a new human being.

I am sorry. I can't accept your proposal. The reason is, you are not imperfect, but I am. That incident made me afraid of any kind of relationship ."

"Hey! Can we still be friends and can I gave a try to reduce your fear?"

"Ohk.Let me think about it."